TRUMP BY THE NUMBERS PART ONE

Posted in PRESIDENT TRUMP on 28/12/2016 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]

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It has been just shy of two months since Donald J Trump was elected the 45th President of the United States and already he is getting credit, as President Obama was blamed, for economic numbers. Last night I met with Clark Clifford a good friend and former colleague over drinks and dinner at Vulca. My expectation was a serious even a dour Clifford who was once called the Washington Monument in America’s capitol. The man who showed up was upbeat, jovial and smiling like the cat that ate the canary.

He sat down at the bar next to me and ordered a gin martini and still smiling said, “Hi Fred, how about those Dow numbers?”

I blinked and said, “So is this a Trump bounce?”

clifford

“No,” Clifford responded, “it is the goose that laid the golden egg.” Now I was totally dumbfounded. Clark Clifford was a moderate drinker both in his first life and here in the Afterlife but after this brief conversation I was beginning to wonder if he had strayed into the use of hard drugs.

“I can see you are confused Freddie old boy. Let me explain.” He tipped the bartender handsomely and took a small sip of the clear liquid in his martini glass. “You do recall how conservatives used the declining labor force participation rate on the Obama administration and Progressive economic policy?” I nodded sipping a bullshot hoping it would impart some Kennedyesque wisdom to my brain. “The labor force participation rate has been declining since the first wave of Baby Boomers began retiring at a rate of a thousand or so a day. There is a metric that the Bureau of Labor Statistics, an agency conservatives have long said were ‘cooking the books in favor of Obama’, uses to measure why people aren’t in the labor force. That metric shows roughly 740,000 people who were discouraged with the current job market for a variety of reasons. Of course, conservatives have said that the full number of people who do not have jobs is an indicator of a failed presidency forgetting how close America was to an economic abyss in September 2008.”

He returned to his martini and drank deeper this time. “The point I am making is every statistical metric that showed even a slight economic decline was Obama’s fault to conservatives, well we can call them Trumpists now, and every success was called flawed data. You and I know that isn’t true but now Trump owns the economy. I would suggest you focus on the labor force participation rate in your first articles in the Terran summer. I guarantee you no Trump supporter is going to say the labor force particiaption rate is going to rise above 68 in the four years of a Trump administration because it simply is impossible.”

Good advice from a good old friend.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
125 3 Leviathan 3 AS

BREAKINGNEWS.COM TO CEASE TO OPERATE AFTER 31 DECEMBER 2016

Posted in BREAKING NEWS on 13/12/2016 by Majordomo Pain

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We, ourselves, of The Collective and The Meditators are deeply saddened that BreakingNews.com will cease to exist after 23:59:59 31 December 2016. This news service on the planet Terra has served its people well with expert journalistic updates for the past six Terran standard years. For those looking for the best in the digital industry on your planet please review this article where you can find email addresses to contact the staff and hire some of the best Human Beings on the planet.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
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الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
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Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
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Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
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Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
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Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
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Order of the Obsidian Heart [Nuc. Phys.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
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WHY IS JOHN KASICH SMILING?

Posted in 2016 ELECTIONS on 23/11/2016 by Robin Naismith Green

Hoops Green 4

The title is a tease isn’t it?

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I have to admit two things. One I hate politics and two it would take a miracle to keep Donald Trump from becoming the 45th President of the United States. A miracle yes, but it isn’t impossible. No Hillary Clinton is done but the Electoral College does not meet until 19 December 2016 in the fifty state capitals to cast their votes for President and Vice President. If one or many change their votes they would called “faithless electors.” In US history there have been 157 of these so called faithless electors. Were enough Democrats and Republicans to come together and forced the vote to the House where each state would have one vote.

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Here’s a scenario. Fifty GOP electors, which would be a record, shift their votes from Trump to John Kasich, say. Let’s say they are joined by an equal number of Clinton electors. Now that would trigger a vote in the House and the GOP controlled House would have the tool it needs to make John Kasich, a wise choice, the 45th President of the United States.

So now you can watch and wait to see if that man has an even bigger reason to smile.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Robin Naismith Green, D.S.V.J., O.G.H. [Journ.]
Serratoth Custom House
City Desk Editor
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
90 3 Leviathan 3 AS

BREAKING NEWS: CORY BOOKER ELECTED 46TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

Posted in 2020 US PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION on 23/11/2016 by Majordomo Pain

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From Pressju Hellac 4 November 2020:

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American voters turning out in record numbers have turned their back on the administration of President Donald J Trump who has survived an unprecedented two Impeachment trials in his nearly four years in office. Cory Booker and his Vice Presidential running mate Amy Klobuchar received 80,449,219 votes at last count winning 534 electoral votes losing currently only the state of Idaho by 955 votes. President Trump and Vice President Mike Pence tallied 49,111,935 votes in the election one of the lowest totals by an incumbent in the modern era. The results being analyzed by pundits in the terrestrial media pointed to stagnant economic growth and the culmination of the term Trump fatigue that was coined by former Washington Post journalist Carl Bernstein for the largest electoral victory since the election of Ronald Reagan in 1984.

First Impeached in February 2018 in the House by a vote of 302-133 for three counts of abuse of power Trump survived and remained president with a 61-39 vote in the Senate. In November 2019 Trump was again Impeached 326-109 in the House on one count of abuse of power surrounding a conflict of interest involving monies received from a clean coal lobbyist and yet again survived the Senate vote 66-34. The Recession of late 2018 through summer 2019 coupled with scandals involving alt-right groups connected to Trump staffers in the White House proved too much for the larger than life candidate to overcome.

In his concession speech at Trump Tower in New York City a clearly haggard President Trump thanked his supporters for their loyalty and wished President Elect Booker good luck.

End transmission . . .

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Nuc. Phys.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Journ.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
89 3 Leviathan 3 AS

AN EPISTLE TO WHITE RURAL AMERICAN VOTERS WHO MIGHT THINK THEY WERE DUPED BY DONALD TRUMP

Posted in 2016 ELECTIONS, DUPED TRUMP VOTERS, HOT MESS, IMPEACHMENT, IN HINDSIGHT, POLITICS, PRESIDENT OBAMA, PRESIDENT TRUMP on 23/11/2016 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]

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Greetings rural white American Trump voters who thought they would wake up this morning to news that materials were being rushed to the southern border to build the wall!

You’ve gotten what you wanted; finally your guy the one who resonated with your anger at the social and demographic change still ongoing in America has given you a colossal victory. Fear of the Liberals coming to take your guns, your Bibles and your unearned right to be treated better than everyone else based solely on the color of your skin have all been swept away like a sand castle in a rising tide. But it isn’t all unicorns and rainbows, well bad analogy. Let me try that again. It isn’t all chewing tobacco and shotgun shells this morning is it? There’s a nagging little sound in the periphery of your hearing and a faint yet deep ache starting in the middle of your chests. Even the least intelligent human beings get this when they are starting to feel that their perceived reality isn’t actually real.

Donald Trump is the President-elect not a magician. If you really believed that this man would build a wall on the border with Mexico, deport all undocumented aliens in the United States and cease to allow Muslims to enter the United States well then you have been duped. And it’s not just on issues that were impossible like those; there will be many more disappointments and missteps in the coming weeks prior to the inauguration. There are many questions that need to be answered about the Trump Foundation, about how his daughter Ivanka can run his organization and yet have a place at the transition table and how the man will handle adversity and negative commentary prior to becoming President.

hindsight 2381
In Hindsight
To you, white slightly less angry white voter, you still can console yourself over Thanksgiving dinner surrounded proudly by your spouses, in laws and meth addict adult kids and their children in your double wide trailer that you helped to hold back the rampaging tornado of Liberalism in the USA for four years. That won’t be indigestion that you feel as you crack your fifth Pabst Blue Ribbon while watching football tomorrow. That ache in your chest is the knowledge that I am here with my colleagues watching every step that Donald Trump takes during his time in the White House. And this I can promise you; if you think conservatives angered about having a Progressive man of color in the White House fought dirty with lies and half truths about Barack Obama wait until I start in on Donald Trump with actual facts and his own words.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
90 3 Leviathan 3 AS

FROM THE DESK OF THE EDITOR IN CHIEF: COMFORT FOR AMERICAN PROGRESSIVES IN THEIR TIME OF NEED

Posted in Uncategorized on 22/11/2016 by Cavalor Epthith, Esquire, D.S.V.J

cavalor_morning_suit

I am watching Carol Costello this morning and already Trump will have disappointed the less learned members of his political base. The Trump White House will not investigate Hillary Clinton. Curious. Whilst millions of Americans are still despondent about the election outcome I remain buoyed by the result. By Independence Day 2017, those most vehement in support of Donald Trump will have their own doubts that the man for which they voted cannot do the things he promised. There will be no wall on the southern border. There will be no mass deportation of Muslims. There will be no criminal trial of Hillary Rodham Clinton.

To my Progressive friends on Terra, wipe your eyes so that you may clearly read my words. This not the end it is a new beginning. A Clinton presidency, mired in its first two years by congressional stonewalling and threats of Impeachment, would have been a disaster and likely would have plunged the United States into violence. If you will you should see the Trump victory as a relief valve for the irrational fears and pent up anger of the tens of millions of white Americans who voted for him. As several of my reporters have written today now Trump has to govern. Many of them hold high confidence that the man can do the job well. While I hope this is the case for America’s sake, I must give my opinion clearly here. This new administration will be a disaster of biblical proportions and by New Year’s Day 2020 there will not be a single Soul to be found in rural America who will admit to voting for Trump.

By that date the Fifth Estate will be under constant criticism for having focused too much on Trump’s failings. I will take no joy in this disaster, however, but it will give Americans of all stripes an opportunity to expose and silence the alt-right over the next four years. That will be my mandate here at The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork; to keep Donald Trump’s actions in laser focus for good or ill. If the man does well we will report it. If he missteps we will hold him and those who voted for him to task. This is the definition of being a journalist. Our work to hold up a mirror to President elect Trump and those who support him begins today. Take heart American Progressives, meter your responses and do not goo too deep into the gutter of this matter for it may not be Our time now but in four years we will be celebrating. On my honor this I promise you.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Cavalor Epthith, Esquire, O.B.R.E., CS, O.D.A.J.[1er], O.Q.H.[Journ.], D.S.V.J., J.F.
Editor-in-Chief
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
89 3 Leviathan 3 AS

ESCAPING THE DARKNESS

Posted in ALT-RIGHT, PRESIDENT TRUMP, STEVE BANNON on 22/11/2016 by sarahbloch

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When I got up on the morning of the US presidential election I was miserable. When I met around 1900 on election night I was not laughing and smiling like the majority of my colleagues who felt an unnatural certainty that Hillary Clinton would be elected the 45th President of the United States in a landslide. By midnight the conference room in the Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork was empty save for Pain and I. Fred Schwartz had gone home to Valeri and Terri. Diane Valencen had gone home to Victoria and when she left she, like I, had tears in her eyes. The only way to describe how I felt as the northern Midwest turned its back on Hillary Clinton and gave an electoral victory to Donald J Trump was being raped while a tsunami 100 miles high was sweeping in to the coastline to destroy everything I’d ever loved.

This was the depth of my misery then but now in reflection I see the positives in the election result. So for the last two weeks while kids walked out of classrooms and protesters took to the streets in America I walked the streets of Dis talking to those whose First Lives have ended to get their reactions. I huddled with learned colleagues and scholars to assess what Trump can and cannot do. After this fortnight I have come to one conclusion and I will steal a catch phrase from Fred Schwartz, “The kids are alright.”

I have escaped the darkness of disappointment because the man that white angry voters wanted to “Make America Great Again” have gotten their wish. I have always been warned, both on Terra and here in Hell to be careful what you wish for, you just may get it. Just yesterday I took the taxibox to Hades to have lunch with HL Mencken at our favorite place Quijox’s Deli. Over the best Reuben sandwich in the afterlife Mencken and I talked about not how miserable we were but how important it was for Donald Trump to do a good job. For the American economy to improve and grow over the next four years was far more important than what political party was in power we both agreed. Bellies full and over a pair of really good beers we discussed the potential damage this election could do to the democracy that is the United States. Mencken felt it was the greatest gift potentially that the Democratic Party could ever get. I on the other hand was more conciliatory saying that if America prospered and by that I mean all of America prospered it would be worth it to enable the 65 million or so white bigots in America. At this Mencken laugh relating to me that I may have low balled that number but he got my point.

There will be many alt-right pundits on the terrestrial Internet that will be happy at knowing that I shed three days of tears following an election upon which I was unable to impart any action. I would urge caution in the coming years as their orgasmic glee turns to the fatigue that comes with having to defend their man’s actions. I did say earlier this terrestrial year that this was Trump’s election to lose. Now I have to say that it is just a matter of time as my tears have turned to a sly smile until Trump has to be the chief executive. Hillary Clinton will no longer be in jeopardy of being Impeached. All the arrogant, angry, stupid people who think like many Obama supporters in 2008 that their poverty, ignorance and hate will be rewarded materially will soon enough realize the limit of that executive office. While they may not have gone to the National Policy Institute your average white male supporter of Trump shared the beliefs of this organization. One would be a fool to think that Donald Trump is a white nationalist but his core base are white nationalist. The dog whistles of bigotry during the campaign will now have to go quiet if the man expects to be at best a small curious footnote in history or at worst the man who finally irrevocably destroys America along racial, gender and religious lines. Having Steve Bannon in the Presidential inner circle is not a good sign, but it is early days yet and now that I am smiling and can eat and am getting regular sleep I am back at my post and ready to hold President Trump to only one promise in paraphrase that he keep America great for all Americans.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Sarah Bloch, D.S.V.J., J.F., O.Q.H [Jur.]
Amici Bax Demvolu Comnu
Politics & Culture Wars Managing Editor
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
89 3 Leviathan 3 AS

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