WINGNUT ROUNDUP: DECONSTRUCTING THEODORE SHOEBAT


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As much as Sarah Bloch would like to think so, simply because Barack Obama is President of the United States, the Culture Wars in America haven’t come to an end. As long as there are people like Theodore Shoebat in America to keep the conservative base riled up with lies and deceptions about people they don;t like because they ain’t white and Christian there will an ongoing verbal and unilaterally intellectual war going on between Progressives and the Conservatives. I’ve asked before where are all the urban twentysomething conservatives in America but I hadn’t asked anyone, at least recently, if they had heard from a post retirement age Progressive. I know many living in the United States right now but still have yet to find the Bible thumping conservative in Brooklyn aged 25.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s take a look at the wingnut of the day. I introduce to you Theodore Shoebat, son of fake ex-terrorist Walid Shoebat a man who has sucked more money out of the pockets of unsuspecting conservative rubes than a flood vehicle. I have been called the CarFax of the Internet by colleagues before so now it’s high time to see the CarFax on the younger Shoebat.

Theodore begins his angry screed about the LGBTQ community entitled, “The Homosexual Empire” with this:

What is the homosexual agenda about? It is about conquest, and the persecution of Christians. Just by perusing today’s news, it is easily found that this reality continues to expose itself as the sodomites proceed to advance their despotic ideology.

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Yeah, I know, this is too easy. Most of these nuts prey on older white middle class people near or over retirement age who fear for the safety of their Bibles, guns and families, in that order. So to say they are going to be “conquered” by a “homosexual agenda” rekindles in their minds the worst things one could think of having grown up and come of age in the 1950s and 1960s. Shoebat in this few lines makes himself the equal to Lester Maddox, Bull Conner and all the other odious characters who tried to keep black citizens in a second or even third class status in the South in the post World War 2 era. Are there ideologues among those campaigning for LGBTQ rights? Sure. Do these people have an agenda for America that goes beyond wanting the same freedoms and liberties enjoyed by the straight majority? No.

Well, Theodore Shoebat wouldn’t be satisfied unless, for the pure love of lucre, he made the point that the LGBTQ community wants to wage war on Christians, destroy the religion and then go about sodomizing anyone who remains until they have forgotten all about being conservative or loving guns more than they care about the plight of the poor. Shoebat quotes Michael Swift’s 1987 article entitled “Gay Revolutionary” [without giving citation I’ll come to the importance of that in a bit.–F.S. ] calling it instead “The Gay Manifesto” [because you know only people who mean deadly business against white Christians write manifestos.–F.S.] where Swift writes:

We shall sodomize your sons, emblems of your feeble masculinity, of your shallow dreams and vulgar lies. We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums, in your locker rooms, in your sports arenas, in your seminaries, in your youth groups, in your movie theater bathrooms, in your army bunkhouses, in your truck stops, in your all male clubs, in your houses of Congress, wherever men are with men together. Your sons shall become our minions and do our bidding. They will be recast in our image. They will come to crave and adore us. … We shall raise vast private armies, as Mishima did, to defeat you. We shall conquer the world because warriors inspired by and banded together by homosexual love and honor are invincible as were the ancient Greek soldiers.

For the average conservative in the flyover states that should be all they need to read! I would be willing to bet an aureus against every dollar that after getting to this point in the article and nodding knowingly in the fact that only bad people they don’t know and love go to Hell that at least 100 fools reached for their debt cards to send Shoebat’s fraudulent “foundation” at least five bucks. What else in all of Creation could they possibly need to know. “It’s in the manifesto honey I’m sure as the Gospel that this is true!” I’m sure they shouted as they checked their bank account to see how much of their Social Security was left.

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In Hindsight

Shoebat fails miserably here though. In his little bibliography at the end of the post he leaves out any citiation for Michael Swift’s “manifesto.” Oh, you wonder why that is? it’s because it isn’t serious at all it is satirical. To give credit and allow the rheumy eyed base of conservatism in America to read the words that expose the lie, rather than have them simply Google “Gay Manifesto” and get a litany of conservative pundit and blogger continuations of that lie would be on the one hand a terrible blow to the credibility of the need to portray the LGBTQ fight for civil rights as violent and a threat to Conservative Christianity as a tribal group and on the other hand make Archie in West Bumfuck, Mississippi put his debit card back into that sleeve the nice girl at the bank gave him. Below are the very first words of that 1987 satire by Michael Swift:

“This essay is an outré, madness, a tragic, cruel fantasy, an eruption of inner rage, on how the oppressed desperately dream of being the oppressor.”

To the Shoebats enjoy stealing from those too weak minded to be driven by anything other than fear in the wealthiest nation on Terra. Some smart guy said that Human Life is short and brutal well, that’s spot on isn’t it? When you both get here to Hell I’ll be the guy grinning wearing a white shirt a black tie and a gray fedora with my press pass in the band shouting, “I told you so!”

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
114 Colnu 2 AS

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