A FULL AND HONEST APOLOGY TO KAY WILSON FROM THE DIS BRIMSTONE DAILY PITCHFORK


cavalor_hooves

My role here both at this blog in the Living world where you dwell and in the Afterlife here in Hell is to be responsible for every word that is written and printed. Back in late 2010 when Kristine Luken was murdered by two Palestinian religious fanatics I saw a story that wasn’t really there. I became what I most abhor about the 24/7 news cycle and even to place a American popular culture spin on this matter I became the problem in modern journalism rather than the solution. I was the producer screaming for “dirty laundry” in a case that was brutal and horrific enough on its own.

The murder of Kristine Luken and the serious injury of Kay “Kishkush” Wilson was not a major story in December of 2010 but from the perspective of the Consiliul, this newspaper’s Executive Staff, there were too many inconsistencies in the early reports coming out of Israel. Add to this the nature of the organization for which Ms Luken worked shared thoughts turn into full conversations about conspiracies and faults that did not exist rather then a story that was simply another senseless crime against two innocent women who were minding their own business. my major flaw in all of this, other than the fact that I wrote the most damning article, which I fully regret and apologize to Kay Wilson for here in fullthroated sincerity was I did what many hacks in newspapers all over Terra do on a regular basis– I attacked the victim rather than face the inconvenient facts.

As a demon journalist I do prefer the Gonzo style of reporting that we do here at The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork over dry humorless drivel published by other less regarded newspapers here in Hell. We are a band of Progressive/Liberal/Socialist journalists and I make no apologies for this newspaper’s political slant. This newspaper has supported Democratic candidates for their positions and have criticized them when they do not keep the promises they made to gain elected office as any bastion of the Free Press should. But when the words this newspaper publishes are inaccurate and cause harm it is incumbent upon me to take corrective action.

This morning, after a night huddled with lawyers and the entire staff who worked on the Kristine Luken story nearly three years ago, Fredrick Schwartz handed me a piece of paper covered with words in our native tongue, Hellac which stated in plain terms that he was taking responsibility for the effort and thereby was resigning effective immediately. I announced this to the people sitting around the conference table and the small groups of conversations hushed. I tore the paper up and announced that there should be a vote to see if this was the time for me to leave my post as Editor-in-Chief and return to my beloved practice of the Law here in Hell. As the Consiliul is made up of 13 members and I was the member being voted upon 12 secret ballots were cast 3 voted for me to leave, 7 voted for me to remain and 2 abstained from voting. In lieu of termination, I was ordered to surrender one Hellac month’s pay which as is a matter of public record is h! 1000 or in US dollar terms $1,525,334.50. So next month which is the month of 1 Leviathan and is 200 days in length I will take home no pay yet I will discharge my duties with a clear conscience because I feel I have done the proper thing.

With this said I return to my duties as the Editor-in-Chief of this august and respected newspaper refreshed with the knowledge that no matter how long a demon journalist lives there are always lessons to be learned. I will admit this should have been sooner but with the business of running a news gathering organization and the legal rules and issues that we faced in this matter swift was not better. The news waits for no demon so now i must go back to work with the hope that you the readers of this blog can forgive my error as I strive to do a better job than was shown to cause the need for this apology.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Cavalor Epþiþ, Esquire, O.B.R.E., CS, O.D.A.J.[1er], O.Q.H.[Journ.], D.S.V.J., J.F.
Editor-in-Chief
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
119 Colnu 2 AS

8 Responses to “A FULL AND HONEST APOLOGY TO KAY WILSON FROM THE DIS BRIMSTONE DAILY PITCHFORK”

  1. Hear! Hear! It would probably be appropriate to delete from the archives the original post, so that it’s no longer spreading misinformation.

  2. Maor Yaron Says:

    are you going to offer her compensation for adding to her trauma and emotional damage caused by your libel?

    • As in house legal counsel for The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork, after reviewing the posts in question, the number of hits the post generated on Terra my answer to that question is no.

  3. Gentlemen (and Ladies?), This is a great start. Would you be willing to publicly post something to the following effect as the opening statement? In doing so I believe I can persuade the injured party to close this chapter of her life and move on, inasmuch as you are concerned, fully satisfied with your concession:

    “We received in good faith, and believed at face value, certain information and allegations about Ms. Kay Wilson on [DATE]. Regrettably, we published the same in good faith.

    Subsequently, after an exhaustive investigation we determined that the allegations were untrue, and the supporting evidence was manufactured in a calculated effort, with malice aforethought, to injure and defame Ms. Wilson to serve an ulterior motive by the submitter.

    (Please use a separate brief paragraph and highlight the email address follows):
    The original defamatory information was received by our editors from [fully.disclosed@emailaddress.com], on [DATE].

    {Then follow on with your excellent opening paragraph}:

    My role here both at this blog in the Living world where you dwell and in the Afterlife here in Hell is to be responsible for every word that is written and printed. …

    • Be advised our apology stands as written. Under no circumstances would I allow any client to have his free speech rights both in the US and here is Dis violated by making such a confession. Certainly, as your reputation precedes you, in your line of work, can understand our position in this matter?

      Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

      Ciu Cava daelth Nixhot, J.F.. D.S.V.J.
      Consiglieri
      The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
      120 Colnu 2 AS

  4. Congratulations. It only took you “journalists” two and a half years to admit to and correct the disinformation you were spreading regarding Kay. You trash blogging trolls are the reason libel suits are thriving in this cold, dark world. Before you took down the lies you printed, you stated that you will be watching Kay to insure she leads an “error free” life. Allow me to fire back with a warning of my own, sirs: I will check on you from time to time. If I see more of what you creatures pulled with Kay, you can forget apologies. They won’t save you next time.

    • Your warning is duly noted. As a news and entertainment site The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork strives to adhere to commonly accepted norms of journalistic integrity. That being said if news breaks relating to this individual that is of note and its accuracy can be verified we would be less than a quality news organ if we did not report it because it may offend those close to her. While the odds of this are slim The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork reserves the right to report on any matter that is of interest to the reading public. The comment “error free” life appears to have been a mistranslation which should have been stated more clearly as a “life free of incident.” As legal counsel, I feel this matter is resolved and we are moving on to more pressing and important issue both here in Hell and on Terra.

      Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

      Ciu Cava daelth Nixhot, J.F.. D.S.V.J.
      Consiglieri
      Pinchon Davies Nixhot Gallacher Udvelt & Klein LRC
      The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
      120 Colnu 2 AS

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