BREAKING NEWS: CLOUD OF SULFUROUS GAS DESCENDS ON MOSCOW; LAAL HETHRI HAS NO COMMENT ON MATTER


As_DaVinci_would_have_seen_Pain

In her morning press conference Laal Hethri spokesdemon Col. Shuvra Ouroboros Melmikan refused to take questions regarding the sulfur laden air that has drifted into the Russian capital of Moscow. “The agency has no comment in such terrestrial pollution matters, next question,” was all that the gathered press of Hell could get from the veteran public information officer of Hell’s Imperial police force. RT, the Russian news agency has described the growing fog as “egg smelling” “foul” this morning and also has stated that many Muscovites are having difficulty breathing outside.

Reports from this newspaper’s Moscow bureau relate that visibility has been decreased to less than one kilometer by the fog which has not declined as of the late afternoon.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Journ.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
37 Melnar 3 AS

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