BREAD & CIRCUSES: IMPERIAL HELLAC COURT FREES CHRISTINA BOND FROM SUICIDE GARDENS IN EARLY MORNING RULING


hoops green 6

In a rare reversal of a lower court decision on Cause of Death, the Imperial Hellac Court of Appeals for the District of Serratoth Customs House has determined that the line of legal reasoning laid out by the lower court was flawed. Melvin Belli arguing for the plaintiff Christina Bond of Berrian County, Michigan noted that after Entry Court Magis Charles W Froessel erred when he took into consideration “political and social” views of Ms. Bond as they related to the events of her Death. Bond died when she, while adjusting her bra firearm holster, discharged the weapon with the bullet striking her in the eye.

Froessel contended that her conservative values contributed greatly enough to the conditions that made her think she needed to have a gun in her bra for protection and thus her demise crossed the line into the de jure definition of a suicide. The Entry Court magis even quoted from Christina Bond’s Facebook page, which links to a post at the conservative blog The Blaze quoting a US Marine’s disdain for gun control “We all need to take this approach and not give in. The Jews gave in and were murdered. A pastor I know always says that it is better to learn from other peoples mistakes.” “This quote and link were among many that gives me reason to believe that this woman lived in a constant state of fear about her surroundings to the point that she needed to go to the extraordinary measures of having to wear a gun holster bra,” Froessel said in his decision. “Ms Bond decided to carry a gun in this unorthodox manner and she is dead because of that and her ideology. I cannot see the difference between her actions, despite her military training, and those of someone who jumps off a bridge.”

bra holster

Belli, in the Imperial Court at Serratoth Customs House arguing before Magis John Henry Light, said, “There is no case in recent times when the political affiliation of an individual decedent can be construed to have weight upon a Soul pertaining to the cause of the Death. I will concede to my opponent [Thole Baranna acting as Persecutor on behalf of the Crown Fiery] that all Souls bear some percentage of responsibility at their end, but in this case from all the evidence this is simply a horrible accident.

Christina Bond

Magis Light had the option of referring this matter directly to Pain, or to the Hellac Imperial Court in Dis. In stead he decided to hear the case and without delay made his decision within an hour after adjournment. “The rendering of evidence is clear and the proper legal direction is equally clear in this case. While this case has precedent building material by its nature there is no new law being created here. These events while seemingly ironic to many do not rise to the level of an individual committing suicide. The courts must have a clear enough vision and be dispassionate enough in their own political thinking to separate accident from intention. In this, the lower court was blinded by their own prejudices and by the irony of a woman who was so passionate about her religion and politics that the tools of that ideology were seen to lead to her demise. Had she fallen off a ladder or been killed in a car accident I highly doubt you would be before this court. I declare this case dismissed, Ms bond a Free Citizen of Hell and a compensatory payment of 200 denarii per day for her time spent in the Suicide Gardens.”

At the time of this posting the Crown Fiery had made no comment relating to a potential appeal.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Robin Naismith Green, D.S.V.J., O.G.H. [Journ.]
Serratoth Custom House
City Desk Editor
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
131 Melnar 3 AS

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