[If you are a rabid Dallas Cowboys fan you might want to stop reading now.–G.R.M., Copy Ed.]

Cowboys Country

As most of the loyal readers of this blog know I am a big time sports girl. My spouse Victoria a lifelong soccer fan knew only one NFL team in her first life growing up in Baranquilla, Colombia, the Dallas Cowboys. When she was very young there was Roger Staubach. In her teens there was Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin. The Cowboys were America’s Team and then suddenly they fell on hard times in the late 1990s.


Now with one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL, Tony Romo, and the best player in the NFL Dez Bryant both out of commission the Dallas Cowboys and their legion of fans in the United States and all over the world find themselves gasping for breath after starting the 2015 campaign 2-0. Since their departure the Cowboys have gone 0-3 losing to the likes of Atlanta, New Orleans and New England. The team that SanJeans, the largest sports book here in Hell had picked as the odds on favorite 1:2 to represent the NFC in Super Bowl 50, despite the whispers about their defense, now finds themselves being helmed by Brandon Weeden and currently 2-3.


That puts the Cowboys one game behind their opponent in a fortnight the New York Football Giants. By the way, Eli Manning is looking like he wants a third Super Bowl ring after his amazing performance last night against the San Francisco 49ers. The Cowboys have played their NFC East rivals the Giants and the Philadelphia Eagles once each, but have yet to play their archnemisis the Washington Redskins. As of this morning the Cowboys, Eagles and Redskins are all 2-3.


Fans don’t really have an ability to analyze what’s wrong with a team they adore. With Weeden at quarterback throwing to the likes of Devin Street, Terrance Williams, Lucky Whitehead the offense isn’t clicking– especially on 3rd down. The Dallas Cowboys have converted on 18 of their 55 third down chances this season for a rate of 32.7%. Miami, St Louis and Denver [yes 5-0 Denver!] are the only teams with a worse conversion rate. Couple this with no north south running back [somewhere DeMarco Murray has got to be laughing despite wearing an Eagles uniform and playing for a coach who doesn’t know how to utilize him.] and a fourth from league bottom giveaway/takeaway of minus 5 [Carolina, Atlanta and Arizona are plus 8, plus 6 and plus 5 respectively.] and things look bleak for a team that appeared destined for greatness just two months ago.

Matt Cassel 16

But there is hope, well sort of, in the form of the signing of Matt Cassel as Weeden’s backup. In his defense, Cassel does have playoff experience having taken the Kansas City Chiefs to the playoffs as AFC West division winners in 2010.[Cassel threw three picks and no TDs in a 30-7 loss to the Baltimore Ravens in that playoff game by the way.–F.S.] Aside from that all the Cowboys, Jerry Jones and the fans can do is wait and hope for the return of their two stars and pray that Greg Hardy doesn’t implode before Thanksgiving.

NFL 50

By all of our metrics all the Cowboys have to do is win two of their next three games and be 4-4 when Romo is expected to return. All of the insiders I’ve spoken to feel Dez Bryant will return on 1 November 2015 against the Seattle Seahawks at home; while Romo is expected back 15 November 2015 to face the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Tampa. If those return dates are accurate SanJeans has the Cowboys finishing 10-6 and winning the NFC East and playing the Arizona Cardinals in the NFC Championship game. If there is a delay or another injury to Romo, Bryant or both the Cowboys record drops to 8-8, 7-9 and 5-11 respectively with Weeden at the helm, those numbers increase to 9-7, 8-8 and 7-9 with Cassel at quarterback. If their season goes that way many may ask why Kellen Moore wasn’t given a shot?

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.
Editorial Page Editor
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
14 Leviathan 3 AS

5 Responses to “DALLAS, WE HAVE A PROBLEM”

  1. sarahbloch Says:

    No fair! Now you have to write an article about the Steelers!

  2. neocon01 Says:

    the steelers with the rapist and dog killer qb”s?

    maybe under the sleaze – loser section.

  3. Okay, they’re now 2-6 having lost 6 in a row. They’ll lose at least 3 more (Carolina, GB, and the NYJ). I’d give them even money with TB and both of the Wash games. I’ll give them the Miami and Buffalo games.So, with a little luck, they end up 7-9. Worse case scenario? 4-10!

    • Well Ser Daryl things are looking awfully grim in Big D. Injuries can destroy a team’s season and some of that is the cause of the demise of America’s Team this season. A lack of chemistry after the addition of Greg Hardy is another major contributing factor. I think at this point the Cowboys ought to be looking to the future at the quarterback position and hope to be no lower than eighth in the first round draft in 2016. The best they can do now is 6-10 and that’s me being generous.

  4. Daryl Cobranchi Says:

    Well, I don’t think anyone anticipated Romo hurting his shoulder again. 4-12 is now a distinct possibility, given how poorly they played while he was out the first time. Fortunately (or not) the rest of the schedule is fairly easy, with the Team that Shall not be Named twice, Jets, and Bills all being at least potentially winnable. The only sure loss at this point is GB away. So, anything from 7-9 to 3-13.

    I’m a NYG fan, born and bred. Rooting for Dallas is anathema. except when they’re playing Washington. šŸ™‚ So, I’ll hope for 5-11 with two wins over the nameless team from DC.

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