A NOTE TO CONSERVATIVE AMERICANS: HARRIS COUNTY ADA LAUREN REEDER IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM BUT THE FACT YOUR TALK RADIO LEADERS WOULD LIE ABOUT HER INVOLVEMENT IN THE INVESTIGATION OF PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS

Once again, the Right has been hoist by its own petard. Exalted pillars of the conservative community Rush Limbaugh and Laura Ingraham have both for money and fame perpetrated a lie. Rush Limbaugh as Media matters for America writer Sharon Kann points out in her article quotes Limbaugh from his radio show just yesterday, “And it turns out that there is a prosecutor in the Harris County DA’s office named Lauren Reeder — she’s in the criminal family law division — and she is on the board of Planned Parenthood. And she notified the DA, Devon Anderson, of her role with Planned Parenthood last week, long after the grand jury process had begun. Devon Anderson, the prosecuting attorney in Harris County, Houston, told the Houston Chronicle that Lauren Reeder, prosecutor in her office, had a role at Planned Parenthood, she was told she would not be involved in any manner in the investigation.”

Ingraham on her show stated, on the same day, “Let’s be clear on this again, Devon Anderson, who is the district attorney in Harris County, she did not sit on the board of Planned Parenthood. She was an appointee of Rick Perry. Lauren Reeder, who’s an assistant DA, in Harris County in the same office as Devon Anderson, had sat on — is a member, current member — of Planned Parenthood’s board of directors. And this apparently was only revealed to Devon Anderson last week. So, yeah, excuse me, it was, it was, just to be clear I want to get all these facts straight. This was revealed in August of 2015, not last week. So there was a board member working in the office investigating Planned Parenthood, we don’t know at this moment what role she had in the actual investigation itself. I mean, just because she was in the office doesn’t mean she was instrumental in this particular case. But we’re going to endeavor to find that out.”

So we have two cases here. The first of Limbaugh who lies and moves on and Ingraham who must have had a crisis of conscience and corrected herself in the next sentence after setting the lies in the minds of her ignorant listeners. The truth of the matter is that Lauren Reeder ADA in the Harris County District Attorney’s Office was, because of an appearance of impropriety, removed from any dealings or involvement in the investigation into Planned Parenthood of the Gulf Coast in August 2015. This is cited in a Houston Chronicle article written on 7 August 2015 which quotes Devon Anderson [appointed by Republican Governor Rick Perry as saying, “She will not be involved in any manner in this investigation. If at any time in the future, reliable and credible information is brought to my attention that would question our ability to continue to perform a fair, thorough and independent investigation of this matter due to her board membership, I will revisit the issue of seeking the appointment of an independent prosecutor and act accordingly.”

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.
Editorial Page Editor
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
18 High Lux Negro 3 AS

THE MEDITATORS SPEAK: AN OPEN LETTER TO AN AMERICAN MAN ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY

You do realize that your time is running out? When President Obama leaves office in January 2017 there will be no profit to be made from the sort of bigotry you swim in currently. Therefore, none of the elites that share your ideology, with nothing to gain financially from bigotry will jettison you and your kind for those who simply hate the Clintons. This must be a truly sad time for you Tim because there just is not enough hatred for Hillary Clinton to justify the pounds of seething vitriol those with your retrograde ideology have flung at the sitting President.

First the White House,

then Congress,

Then SCOTUS,

Then governorships,

then state legislatures,

Then county governments,

then city councils.

We already have the major cities, the American youth, American minorities, American women under 45, the LGBT community and the unions. So what are the conservatives, the right and worse the far right left with? The church goers who are not Christians? The frightened millions of those who feel their right to have the power of Life and Death in their hands in the form of a gun is more important than the lives of living breathing people? The lifeless people who feel that a woman who has been raped bears a responsibility to give birth to the product of that rape? Those black hearts who feel that a gay or lesbian or transgendered person is somehow less Human than they are because of who they love? The Right has lost. Those with this arcane ideology will lose nothing but their prideful desires for control and the power they have too long held over those who do not share their worldview.

You will still be free to worship as you please; but you will not be able to use the power of the pulpit, the synagogue or the mosque to define what others do.

You will still have your precious guns despite all the blood they spill; but you will not have the right to command an arsenal that can threaten the Peace and power of any government, be it Federal, State or Local.

You will still have Freedom of Speech; but fewer and fewer people over the coming decades will wish to hear the angry protestations of the Right because they are tainted with racist nationalist bigotries that are almost as old as Mankind.

It has been nearly 200 years since a political party destroyed itself right before the eyes of the American people. Now as it was then, the party that died was blind to the change coming and was overwhelmed by it. The new party that rose from the ashes saved the nation from destruction and preserved the greatest Union Terra has ever known. That party was the GOP; its opposition was the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party was rooted in white nationalism, bigotry and the economic need to maintain slavery in the agrarian South using religion as a justification. The GOP was the party of abolitionists who saw the potential in all Men who lived on American soil were and should be full Citizens.

The Union was saved; world wars were fought and still the scars of the Civil War and a Reconstruction still were shown on the backs and necks of America’s black citizens and those who saw them as equals for more than one hundred years. The sins of the Democratic Party’s past were absolved by FDR and his New Deal. The greatest series of government programs to right the economic ship of state in the history of the nation. Democrats became the new abolitionist seeking to abolish poverty; first for the white poor and then for all.

There are and have been millions who took unfair advantage of this system over time and those who abused welfare to their own detriment have been far out shined simply by those millions upon millions who did not become dependent on that system. And this is a teachable moment about the difference between We, Ourselves and those like you Tim. While you would focus on cities that are experiencing high rates of black crime you would ignore the crises of prescription drug abuse and suicide in your own race. While you would shout about the 47 million who depend on the pittance that SNAP offers a family those on ideological right shout at the Heavens about what a waste it is to offer a child $142 a month for food. A living child who is poor has less value to you than a child in the womb. Where is the logic in this argument?

Oh how grand it must have been for people like you one hundred years ago. A feeling of near deity like omnipotence with the only possible threat to your dominance coming from others like you that might whisper some gossip that placed a black mark on your familial reputation. Crime, divorce, alternative lifestyles and mental illness could place you on a social tier just above all those minorities that were tortured by the terrorists of the age who then were no better than ISIS is today.

But your time of worry is nearly at an end. We, Ourselves, of The Collective will ask one simple favor of the dwindling number of Baby Boomer conservatives. Take to your knees and pray for Progressives that will lead America into the middle of this current century. And while you pray to your deities, We will pray to the Fates that the Progressives will be good stewards of the People’s Will and will protect those like you in your minority status better than those like you since time immemorial refused to do.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Nuc. Phys.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Journ.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
28 2 Leviathan 3 AS

A MODEST PROPOSAL: HOW FETAL PERSONHOOD SHOULD WORK IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Well it’s nice to be back writing about some things that are important to the living after covering the local elections here in Dis for the past month. I have to thank the Majordomo on Its excellent reporting on the tragic shootings in Roseburg, Oregon last week. Conservatives have made quite a spectacle of themselves painting the shooter as a Muslim or an anti-Christian because of comments he made during the shooting. Enough pounds of digital screed has been written on both sides of this political and social issue. For me the only solution is to take all the guns away and of course people will find other ways to kill each other but at least it won’t be in the massacre form that these shooting take. So no one will be confused I don’t think Americans need guns, for any reason unless they are in law enforcement or the military– period.

But that is another topic for another time. Today I want to toss the conservatives here on the terrestrial Internet a bone and offer them a proposal. Here’s a solution to the abortion debate that I can get behind. Roe v Wade would be repealed and every fetus would be considered a citizen of the United States from conception. Any person who contracts with a physician to terminate a pregnancy, or any physician who performs and abortion and pharmacist who issues an abortifacient drug, would be charged with murder in the first degree and if found guilty would serve a term as laid out by state law in that state’s jurisdiction. That penalty could be death or life in prison without parole. The same would apply to any laboratory that destroyed fertilized embryos.

So far so good, right conservatives? I mean this is what you’ve dreamed about since the fall of 1973? Abortion would become de facto and de jure murder and fetuses would become citizens with rights equal to those of every other citizen in the United States of America. Okay so you’ve got the carrot conservatives here’s the stick. As you well know nothing in America is free. To bind someone to be born is to take possession of their rights and that has a cost. So, for the term of existence in the womb the fetus will collect $1,215 per month in disability. Okay, I can hear conservatives laughing but don’t; I have the law on my side.

A fetus recognized as a citizen has rights and one of those rights is the right to be compensated for a disability. A fetus cannot work and by extension a minor child cannot enter into a contract. Therefore, from the age of conception to the 16th birthday that child will continue to get that disability benefit. The cost for your religious beliefs being catered to will be $244,215 per fetal person/ infant/toddler/adolescent or about 782 billion a year. That’s a small price to pay for having your religious beliefs codified into law.

Of course this money would be held in an account for the fetal person until they reach the age of 18. At that time it can be used to pay for college or a trade school. If the fetal citizen at the age of 18 decides to do neither they would have to either join the US military and serve for four years to get the money after being discharged honorably. If the fetal person opts out of all of these options they would have to wait until they were 25 and have no felony criminal record to collect their cash.

I know you guys are now wondering well how in Hell am I going to propose to pay for this?? It’s very simple really. Churches in America enjoy tax exempt status and I would end this exemption to pay for this program. That would generate around 10% of the total needed. The rest would have to come from the individual taxpayers in the form of a payroll tax and 10% national sales tax on consumer goods and an increase in the gasoline tax. See I’m helping the environment and growing jobs at the same time. The tax on individuals would be around 5.2% flat across all income ranges; the gasoline tax would be an addition $1.50 per gallon. This would raise an additional $740 billion and fully fund the program.

In Hindsight
The greatest benefit, other than it would end the abortion debate once and for all in 30 years it would inject a massive amount of spending income in the hands of young people who will do what all American consumers do–spend it. It might sound draconian to many of my Progressive friends but having people with no skin in the game make decisions about a woman’s health and welfare is something I find draconian. If the right wants to own this issue they have to be willing to buy it.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
7 2 Leviathan 3 AS

FUSION GPS FINDS CENTER FOR MEDICAL PROGRESS PLANNED PARENTHOOD VIDEOS WERE “ALTERED”

Politico journalist Jennifer Haberkorn is reporting this morning detailing the heavy editing done to videos purporting to show attempts to profit from fetal tissue by Planned Parenthood workers in several U.S. states. According to Politico, the report prepared by FusionGPS show 42 instances where bot the short and alleged full versions of videos were edited. FusionGPS, “also identified instances in which context was eliminated, minutes of film were deleted and transcripts released by CMP did not match what was said on the tapes. The report concludes that the degree of manipulation means the videos have no “evidentiary value” in a legal context, can’t be used in “official inquiries” and lack credulity as journalism. Those findings are a direct response to CMP’s arguments in court — while fighting efforts to prevent it from releasing more video — that it is protected by the First Amendment.”

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.
Editorial Page Editor
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
114 Hov’ish 3 AS

A TALE OF TWO TRAGEDIES: DYLAN ROOF AND BRYCE WILLIAMS

At some future point in the history of the United States of America, citizens will look back on the 21st Century and wonder, deeply, how the nation survived. I am simply a humble demon journalist; I make no claim of being an oracle. Scholars in that far future time I suspect will be less blinded by partisan political ideology, race and gender and will run a true rule over what took place in the first fifteen years of the century in which you currently live.

Having said that, and not as mere preface, I can say with certainty that there is only the most superficial differences in the hate crimes perpetrated this summer in South Carolina and the most recent one in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Dylan Roof was angry and mentally ill; Bryce Williams was also angry and mentally ill. Dylan Roof slaughtered people in a place where such violence was never expected; Bryce Williams did the same and used the technology of the day to document his slaughter.

There are times in history when events make it possible for the Truth to become something that is determined simply by perspective. A true metaphysician would understand that this is fallacy, but when people are bound, tribally, by how they feel they are perceived by those that are different from them, the “other” who has alien ways and whose appearance is markedly different, the possibilities of what is “true” become infinite. Nothing is more True than that above statement as it relates to the United States of America today.

To simply point out the obvious is not enough. As Editor-in-Chief of this newspaper in its digital form for one day short of ten years now I have striven to impress upon those who work here that simply reporting the news is not enough. Journalism, like life, should be more than the a quotidian rehashing of what happened and to whom. What is documented for history must lead to some hope, must show a forward looking vision of courage in the face of many obstacles– it must inspire people to do more than sit in their living rooms, go to their jobs and mate. The written words of my staff here in Hell were meant to inspire to anger, to joy– to do something to make the lives of those outside your family, your community your tribe, –better.

And so I come back to Dylan Roof and Bryce Williams and their murder. I was asked last night over dinner by a friend who I thought was the more evil of the two. Without hesitation and being a member of the Hellac Bar I said, “Williams,” without missing a beat. My friend, who is a Human Being, implored that this could not be the case. Roof, he explained killed nine while Williams killed only two. I replied, after sipping at my glass of warm spicy broth, “Williams committed suicide and did not allow himself to judged by man. Therefore his crime against his own Soul makes him more selfish than Roof.” I could see that my friend of many decades was growing angry so I calmed him in the only rational way I know how. “John,” I said, “I am speaking from my own prejudicial point of view here in the Afterlife as a demon. I cannot know what the life of human is like or what emotions pour through their nerves or pound in their hearts. About these things I can only observe and surmise. From what I have observed the damage done by Roof and Williams have touched many Souls and done great harm. Here in Hell they will be dealt with according to our laws. This is all I know.”

In closing, I feel I need to share a second conversation that I had after a planning meeting to celebrate our tenth anniversary of this blog which commences tomorrow. Our Majordomo, Pain and I met in my office in the early evening and talked about the events of the day, the waning season and the years all of us have been engaged at this attempt to shed some light on what the Afterlife offers for those who slip the bonds of your dimension to join ours. Midway through the conversation, as the topic turned to race relations in America, Pain intoned, “African-Americans who have not had the full benefit of consumer capitalism must make a choice between what they perceive as culture and Moral Success. By Moral Success, We, Ourselves, of The Collective, mean the ascension to a state where a person has by their actions, daily, must be respected. This is a person who excels at their work no matter what field that work is in. This is a person who is compassionate to those who needs help. This is a person who respects the law. This is a person who seeks this same level of success in the First Life for all those she or he knows. This is a person who respects people and their property. This is a person who craves knowledge above all and loves themselves. African-Americans can continue on the road they are on and the playing field in the American economy and society will never be leveled. Or, they can strive to become a Moral Success by ceasing to deal drugs, having a disdain for their Creator-given intellect and believing they are the victim descendants of horrors that were perpetrated against their enslaved ancestors. The chains of one physical type of slavery were broken in the 1860s, the social slavery of Jim Crown was broken by the 1970s; and now in the 2010s, African-Americans must break the last chain that binds them–that of a culture that makes incarceration more important than matriculation, felonies more important than fatherhood and ignorance of the wider world in the name of tribalism more important than the rabid pursuit of intellectual stimulation. They must do these things in the poorest neighborhoods where they live because– black lives do matter.”

Over the next few days, this newspaper will be publishing articles celebrating the diversity of our staff, highlights of the major stories we have covered in the last ten Terran standard years and, hopefully, making you think.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Cavalor Epþiþ, Esquire, O.B.R.E., CS, O.D.A.J.[1er], O.Q.H.[Journ.], D.S.V.J., J.F.
Editor-in-Chief
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
114 Hov’ish 3 AS

INSIDE THE CONSERVATIVE MIND: SUMMING UP THE RIGHT WING MINDSET IN FOUR WORDS, “SOME NIGGA RAPING HER”

The Meditators, this morning, as a Swarm, turned from their research at 0706 HST/EST and took notice of a single comment trapped pending approval at Our blog. For several seconds, Those Who Digest Information and Bring Forth Truth searched for any measure of Reason in the words as they related to a blog post made by Fred Schwartz two days ago. We, Ourselves, of the Collective, initially were offended by the comment left by the banned Neocon1. Then after further digestion, We began to see in a different way just what conservatism as a political ideology does to the Human Soul.

Conservatism is not a religion, but religion is a component of their authoritarian desires. Conservatives worship the violence of war and the soldiers that engage in it but do not believe the families of these men and women deserve a social safety net. Conservatives believe deeply in the right to bear arms but do so because they fear the rise of racial minorities they believe want to see them all brutally killed. Conservatives believe that women are the possessions of men; to be protected as children and serve as their breeders and vessels for sexual satisfaction in their youth to be cast aside when no longer sexually attractive.

A conservative then when he sees Kristina Pimentova depicted here in the context of a discussion sees his own right to possess her. He sees his birthright to protect her from “the Other” who’s only desire is to rape her. This protection comes at the price of conservative men wanting to own her, sexually, and control her for his own pleasure. The conservative uses the maternal instinct inherent in the majority of women as a key to lock women in a jail cell of breeding cycles which limits her true potential. Many will find Our words harsh, however, they are no more harsh than the ignorance, no, the stupidity, that is clarified by four words, “Some nigga raping her.”

No civil Human Being would ever say such a thing. We, Ourselves, after millions of combinations would not have arrived at the conclusion that Our thoughts would have been so odious. The darkness that must live in such a Soul to have this be a thought and then to commit it to print is nearly outside Our grasp of understanding. No one who professes to follow the message of Love as given by the Son of the Creator can possibly hold this belief. No patriot of freedom can will good conscience be this base. Only a coward who fears the ever ringing sound of the Angel of Death growing near with every ticking second, who has seen their dreams turn to drudgery and Life pass them by with the rewards they expected because of the color of their skin and not the content of their character can possibly be this irrationally evil.

The Collective is relieved to see that this is the mantra of the bigots that call themselves conservatives. “Some nigga raping her,” should be the motto of their racist angry feeble cause for all time to come. The impotence of their ideas is clarified for all in those four words.

All of this vitriol from men like Neocon1 springs from a rectum of hate for the American President Barack Hussein Obama [q c p n!] and his beautiful family. President Obama and his wife and daughters are all Human Beings; Neocon1 is a living person. The distinction between the two is not ethereal it is tangible, definable. A Human Being, has courage, is compassionate, owns their intellect and dreams with Reason. A living person is filled with anger, fueled by hate, marinates in greed and lusts for violence only as a true coward can. In this Neocon1 and for your words you are rewarded with Our pity upon your Soul.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Journ.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
110 Melnar 3 AS

THE MEDITATORS SPEAK: JOSIE CUNNINGHAM AND THE ETHICS OF FAME OBSESSION

In Our ongoing study of metaphysics, one question remains constant, “What is ultimately there?” As an inexact science, metaphysics and its practitioners are faced with this question time an again. The science lends itself well to the study of popular culture on Terra because of this constantly reoccurring, and reinforcing, question.

In the United Kingdom city of Leeds, 23 year old Josie Cunningham faces a dilemma that has caught the eye of many who discuss and debate the Culture Wars on the opposite side of the Atlantic Ocean. Cunningham has popularized herself, albeit on a very minor level, by being a model and a high end prostitute. Conservatives, We, Ourselves, understand do not condone sex outside of marriage and for this Ms Cunningham has one strike against her. Adding to this Cunningham who is pregnant by a footballer was offered an opportunity to be a part of the cast of Channel 5’s reality show Big Brother.

A deeper dilemma brews as Josie, who is ravenously fame obsessed, has decided to go to the greatest extreme to stay in the limelight. Cunningham who eighteen weeks pregnant is willing to abort her fetus so that she can appear on this television programme. This public announcement about a personal health matter can only be seen by The Meditators as a publicity stunt of the worse order. While, We, Ourselves, are adamant and steadfast in Our support of a woman’s right to choose, this situation is dark with its divergence from Our own beliefs. Having uttered this opinion, We, Ourselves, of The Collective cannot condemn Josie Cunningham for her desire to be the center of attention and have to remind all those who have cast stones at her that this decision, to get an abortion at a private clinic, is supported by the man who fertilized her, this according to Cunningham, however.

What is causing a lack of clarity among The Meditators is Cunningham’s obsession with fame. Is this lust, and yes it is a lust, for the public disdain or appreciation so great that it would cause a young woman to go to such a great extreme? Apparently, so. Josie Cunningham’s crime to Us is not that she wants to have an abortion, but that she is blind to the point that she would be willing to do literally any thing just so people liek you the readers of this blog would be thinking about her. The actions of a few people have often changed history on Terra; this is not one of those cases.

We, Ourselves, of The Collective and The Meditators, opine that Josie Cunningham has a right to get an abortion, legally, for the reasons she has set forth. We also opine that no one has to like her for this decision as it does not affect them directly. We, Ourselves still stand on the ideal that women do have sovereignty over their bodies. However, this action will guarantee Cunningham infamy which in its own way is a form of fame and We must speak these words, “No one has a right to be famous.”

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Jur.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
182 1 Leviathan 3 AS

THE CONSERVATIVE TAKE ON THE CULTURE WAR: “YEAH, YOU WON, PROGRESSIVES, BUT YOU CHEATED!”

I am currently reading John Nolte’s article on 11 reasons the Left has not won the Culture War at Breitbart.com. Simply reading this is making my day because I love to laugh in the morning. Millions of conservatives have likely read this today and more than a thousand have commented. Those comments will be covered by Fred Schwartz later in the day.

Nolte begins with same sex marriage which I see as a full faith and credit legal issue not a moral and religious one. I don’t think, however, that any shop owner has a right to refuse service to a gay couple anymore than they have the right to refuse service to a person based on their race, religion, gender or disability. The author feels that the “voice of the people” has been tossed out in favor of the rulings of “activist judges.” In a bizarre twist John Nolte points to a rise in “Christian entertainment” as proof that Americans really do not want people they do not know of the same sex to get married. The singular example is the film “Heaven is for Real” which has grossed nothing yet because the film is to be released today. Nolte’s point is that Sony TriStar Pictures has decided to release the film on a Wednesday in 2,417 theaters. This film and others like it are one point Nolte shows as proof that on the topic of same sex marriage the Right is winning. I will make a claim here: Heaven is for Real will not make more money between its premiere and the end of the box office weekend than “Transcendence” will make from its opening until Sunday night on a theater by theater basis.

The next Culture War issue is the legalization of marijuana. Both Washington state and Colorado have legalized the weed most notorious to conservatives and more states are moving to decriminalize small amounts. Most recently the state of Maryland did just that becoming the first state south of the Dixon-Line to decriminalize pot. Fourteen other states and the District of Columbia have also done so. Nolte does not address any of the medical reasons for pot use or even recreational ones as a justification for a victory here in the Culture war. Instead he states that abortion rights activists are on their heels quoting an article on Breitbart.com no less about a poll conducted by the Knights of Columbus regarding abortion rights. The Gallup Polling Service numbers show that those who view themselves as pro-Life vice those that are pro-Choice are nearly equal at 48% to 45%. The numbers of those seeing abortion as federally defined from the same poll vice those who do not believe abortion should be legal at all is 52% vice 20% as of May 2013. Nolte loses this battle as well.

Nolte sticks with entertainment decrying the amount of sex on television but reveling in what he calls the return of the masculine male on the National Geographic Channel. These shows according to the author “celebrate the working class and their traditional values.” What he really means is they celebrate being white, Christian and living in the woods or where it’s very cold. The next “reason” the Right is winning the Culture War is the ascendancy of Jimmy Fallon to the Tonight Show as a counter to Stephen Colbert stepping into David Letterman’s slot after his retirement next year. There is no rhyme or reason to this at all.

The next nugget reveals something about conservatives. They like strong male characters. Nolte point to Don Draper [Mad Men] Walter White [Breaking Bad] and Tony Soprano [The Sopranos] as examples of these. They are called “flawed” and “anti-heroes” and I imagine that takes the guilt away for all the nudity, sex, drugs and violence which conservative say they are against on TV.

More entertainment, really? Miley Cyrus is popular but unions are dying says Nolte. I fear conservatives may never come out of this irrational abyss. As if the weakness of unions in America is a good thing for those working class people they say they love?

Conservative media is on the upswing says Nolte. Well get back to me in 20 years when most Fox News viewers are either dead or senile or have slaughtered their family. There is a trend in there demographically if you just take the time to look.

Women are getting birth control but conservatives have their guns! This is awful. War on women much? The fear of the Other is oozing here.

Nolte sees more money in politics as a solution to what ails the Right politically. No John, the key would be to make your tent bigger. Oh, that’s right you can’t do that because you’d have to let in all those brown people, women and gay people on a level playing field.

Yes, Occupy is dead but given time the TEA Party will wither as well. I think the date on that tombstone will be somewhere around 1 February 2017.

What John Nolte needs is a time machine so he can return to that conservative era of his father the 1950s. Back then by conservative standards women were in their place (not barefoot and pregnant but seen and not heard), minorities were second class citizens and it was a crime to be gay. It must be awful for John Nolte to have to watch as all that unearned privilege is redistributed in the form of earned civil rights.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil

Sarah Bloch, D.S.V.J., J.F., O.Q.H [Jur.]
Amici Bax Demvolu Comnu
Politics & Culture Wars Managing Editor
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
177 1 Leviathan 3 AS

LADYPARTSJUSTICE: SARAH SILVERMAN EXPLAINS IT ALL WITH A LITTLE HELP THAT HAS CONSERVATIVES FOAMING AT THE MOUTH

We, Ourselves, of The Collective and The Meditators find this from Sarah Silverman simply brilliant:

Lady Parts Justice

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Jur.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
97 1 Leviathan 3 AS

WHY DO YOU NEED THE DEVIL WHEN YOU HAVE LIZ TROTTA?

I’ve heard some really stupid things come out of the mouths of overpaid pundits for this ideology or that over the last few years but this one from Liz Trotta at Breitbart.com really takes the cake. Trotta’s commentary states that since people don’t believe in the devil anymore society is just going to keep getting worse and worse. That really means that conservatives are going to keep losing culture war battles over things that the young people and moderates, you know the folks who really make the decisions about society in America, find fully acceptable. As you, loyal reader, know, I am a citizen in good standing, gainfully employed in the breathtaking capitol city of Hell, Dis.

If there’s one thing I know about, with a personal certainty it’s what the state of Old Scratch is. The tyrant who once ruled all twenty city-states of Hell, what you Living folks call the Afterlife on its own special plane of existence with its own cool new rule book, no longer exists having been cast into Oblivion just over 14 Terran standard years ago. Now I know there are conservatives and their most vitriolic bigoted fringe of white male Dominionists that will never accept that this is the case because it doesn’t play well with their end time needs. To them all I can say is sorry for your bad luck pal. Yet and still these people believe in talking snakes, talking fiery bushes and a rapture that isn’t even in the Bible but was made up nearly out of whole cloth in the 1830s. That aside for the moment at least I have to admit that Trotta is moving in the right direction when she says, “Our need to be shocked, though, has spiraled out of control, and death surrounds everyone, especially the children.” The thread is lost when she doesn’t go into why all the guns? Or why not decriminalize marijuana and cocaine? Or why do conservative pundits have to push the fear button every time? Instead Liz Trotta starts to whine and drone on about things in popular culture that she finds annoying or offensive. Liz Trotta does not care about what children see or do her job, her only job is to put a seed of fear in the minds of middle aged white men and women who already feel that the country they are living in is somehow less free, less safe and less prosperous simply because Barack Obama is president and his face is not white.

In Hindsight

This commentary by Trotta ought to be must see TV for every Progressive young person who gives any thought to what the real motivations of the Conservative movement are. I like the analogy that the GOP is on its way to becoming a “zombie party” having been infected with the TEA Party virus they are now running around foaming at the mouth like the crazed undead from the Resident Evil movie franchise. [Note to Milla Jovovich: I know these movies pay you a shitload of money but I’d really like to see you “act” again.–V.D.] The chief reason for the concentration of this virus among a single nearly homogeneous demographic is because of delivery systems like Liz Trotta. Why do moderates and Progressives not fall for this nonsense? Well for the most part we;ve built up and immunity to the Limbaugh strain, the Coulter strain and the Hannity strain after many years of constant exposure. But wait! There’s hope! For any conservatives out there hoping they could cure themselves of possibly save their children from becoming political zombies as well I hear a little drug called Reason works every time and has a double effect it relieves the symptoms of bigotry brought on out of anger that one is simply middle class and middle aged.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
15 1 Leviathan 2 AS