Archive for the HOW HELL WORKS Category

THE MEDITATORS SPEAK: AN OPEN LETTER TO AN AMERICAN MAN ON THE WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY

Posted in 2016 ELECTIONS, ABORTION RIGHTS, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT, AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM, AMERICANS AGAINST THE TEA PARTY, ANDREW BRIETBART, BENGHAZI, BIGOTRY, BIRTHERISM, BLACK CRIME, BLACK LIVES MATTER, CHRISTIANISTS, CONSERVATIVE ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM, CONSERVATIVE BIGOTRY, CONSERVATIVE DESPERATION, CONSERVATIVE FEAR, CONSERVATIVE HEADS EXPLODING, CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRISY, CONSERVATIVE IGNORANCE, CONSERVATIVE INCITEMENT TO VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVE LIES, CONSERVATIVE NEWS, CONSERVATIVE OBSESSION WITH SEX, CONSERVATIVE RESISTANCE TO FACT CHECKING, CONSERVATIVE VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVES ARE OLD AND DYING AND SCARED, COUNTER-SHAI'TANISM, COUNTER-THEOCRACY, CRIME BLOTTER, FASCISM, FEARSPEAK, FREEDOM, FUNDAMENTALISTS ACTING BADLY, GLBTQ RIGHTS, GOP, GOP AS A MINORITY PARTY, GOP MELTDOWN, GUN VIOLENCE IN AMERICA, HILLARY CLINTON, HOMOPHOBIA, HOW HELL WORKS, HUMAN BEAUTY, HUMAN BEINGS, JIM HOFT, JOURNALISM, JUSTICE, KOCH BROTHERS, LAAL HETHRI, MURDER, MURDER SUICIDE, NEOCON1, OBAMACARE, OCCUPY WALL STREET, OFFICE OF THE TORTURER GENERAL, POLITICS, POOR WHITE TRASH, PRESIDENT OBAMA, PROGRESSIVES ON THE MARCH, RACE AND POLITICS IN AMERICA, RELIGIOUS BIGOTRY, RELIGIOUS RIGHT, RURAL CRIME, RURAL DRUG ABUSE, RUSH LIMBAUGH, THE MEDITATORS, WHITE CRIME, WHITE PRIVILEGE on 26/10/2015 by Majordomo Pain

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You do realize that your time is running out? When President Obama leaves office in January 2017 there will be no profit to be made from the sort of bigotry you swim in currently. Therefore, none of the elites that share your ideology, with nothing to gain financially from bigotry will jettison you and your kind for those who simply hate the Clintons. This must be a truly sad time for you Tim because there just is not enough hatred for Hillary Clinton to justify the pounds of seething vitriol those with your retrograde ideology have flung at the sitting President.

First the White House,

then Congress,

Then SCOTUS,

Then governorships,

then state legislatures,

Then county governments,

then city councils.

We already have the major cities, the American youth, American minorities, American women under 45, the LGBT community and the unions. So what are the conservatives, the right and worse the far right left with? The church goers who are not Christians? The frightened millions of those who feel their right to have the power of Life and Death in their hands in the form of a gun is more important than the lives of living breathing people? The lifeless people who feel that a woman who has been raped bears a responsibility to give birth to the product of that rape? Those black hearts who feel that a gay or lesbian or transgendered person is somehow less Human than they are because of who they love? The Right has lost. Those with this arcane ideology will lose nothing but their prideful desires for control and the power they have too long held over those who do not share their worldview.

You will still be free to worship as you please; but you will not be able to use the power of the pulpit, the synagogue or the mosque to define what others do.

You will still have your precious guns despite all the blood they spill; but you will not have the right to command an arsenal that can threaten the Peace and power of any government, be it Federal, State or Local.

You will still have Freedom of Speech; but fewer and fewer people over the coming decades will wish to hear the angry protestations of the Right because they are tainted with racist nationalist bigotries that are almost as old as Mankind.

It has been nearly 200 years since a political party destroyed itself right before the eyes of the American people. Now as it was then, the party that died was blind to the change coming and was overwhelmed by it. The new party that rose from the ashes saved the nation from destruction and preserved the greatest Union Terra has ever known. That party was the GOP; its opposition was the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party was rooted in white nationalism, bigotry and the economic need to maintain slavery in the agrarian South using religion as a justification. The GOP was the party of abolitionists who saw the potential in all Men who lived on American soil were and should be full Citizens.

The Union was saved; world wars were fought and still the scars of the Civil War and a Reconstruction still were shown on the backs and necks of America’s black citizens and those who saw them as equals for more than one hundred years. The sins of the Democratic Party’s past were absolved by FDR and his New Deal. The greatest series of government programs to right the economic ship of state in the history of the nation. Democrats became the new abolitionist seeking to abolish poverty; first for the white poor and then for all.

There are and have been millions who took unfair advantage of this system over time and those who abused welfare to their own detriment have been far out shined simply by those millions upon millions who did not become dependent on that system. And this is a teachable moment about the difference between We, Ourselves and those like you Tim. While you would focus on cities that are experiencing high rates of black crime you would ignore the crises of prescription drug abuse and suicide in your own race. While you would shout about the 47 million who depend on the pittance that SNAP offers a family those on ideological right shout at the Heavens about what a waste it is to offer a child $142 a month for food. A living child who is poor has less value to you than a child in the womb. Where is the logic in this argument?

Oh how grand it must have been for people like you one hundred years ago. A feeling of near deity like omnipotence with the only possible threat to your dominance coming from others like you that might whisper some gossip that placed a black mark on your familial reputation. Crime, divorce, alternative lifestyles and mental illness could place you on a social tier just above all those minorities that were tortured by the terrorists of the age who then were no better than ISIS is today.

But your time of worry is nearly at an end. We, Ourselves, of The Collective will ask one simple favor of the dwindling number of Baby Boomer conservatives. Take to your knees and pray for Progressives that will lead America into the middle of this current century. And while you pray to your deities, We will pray to the Fates that the Progressives will be good stewards of the People’s Will and will protect those like you in your minority status better than those like you since time immemorial refused to do.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Nuc. Phys.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Journ.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
28 2 Leviathan 3 AS

A TALE OF TWO TRAGEDIES: DYLAN ROOF AND BRYCE WILLIAMS

Posted in 2016 ELECTIONS, ABORTION RIGHTS, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT, AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM, AMERICANS AGAINST THE TEA PARTY, ANDREW BRIETBART, BIGOTRY, BIRTHERISM, BLACK LIVES MATTER, BRYCE WILLIAMS, CAVALOR EPTHITH EDITORIALS, COMEDY, CONSERVATIVE ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM, CONSERVATIVE BIGOTRY, CONSERVATIVE DESPERATION, CONSERVATIVE FEAR, CONSERVATIVE HEADS EXPLODING, CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRISY, CONSERVATIVE IGNORANCE, CONSERVATIVE INCITEMENT TO VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVE LIES, CONSERVATIVE RESISTANCE TO FACT CHECKING, CONSERVATIVE STUPID EMAIL FORWARDS, CONSERVATIVE VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVES ARE OLD AND DYING AND SCARED, COUNTER-SHAI'TANISM, COUNTER-THEOCRACY, CULTURE SHIFT, DYLAN ROOF, FEARSPEAK, FREEDOM, FUNDAMENTALISTS ACTING BADLY, GLBTQ RIGHTS, GOP, GOP AS A MINORITY PARTY, GOP MELTDOWN, GUN VIOLENCE IN AMERICA, HELLAC COURT SYSTEM, HOMOPHOBIA, HOW HELL WORKS, HOW TO SAVE AFRICAN AMERICANS, HUMAN BEAUTY, HUMAN BEINGS, JIM HOFT, JOURNALISM, JUSTICE, KOCH BROTHERS, LAAL HETHRI, MAINSTREAM MEDIA SHORT ATTENTION SPAN, MENTAL HEALTH IN AMERICA, MURDER, NAACP, NEOCON1, OBAMACARE, POLICE BRUTALITY, POLITICS, PRESIDENT OBAMA, RACE AND POLITICS IN AMERICA, SARAH PALIN, SOLUTIONS TO AMERICA'S PROBLEMS, THE MATING HABITS OF CONSERVATIVES, TRIBALISM on 27/08/2015 by Cavalor Epthith, Esquire, D.S.V.J

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At some future point in the history of the United States of America, citizens will look back on the 21st Century and wonder, deeply, how the nation survived. I am simply a humble demon journalist; I make no claim of being an oracle. Scholars in that far future time I suspect will be less blinded by partisan political ideology, race and gender and will run a true rule over what took place in the first fifteen years of the century in which you currently live.

Having said that, and not as mere preface, I can say with certainty that there is only the most superficial differences in the hate crimes perpetrated this summer in South Carolina and the most recent one in the Commonwealth of Virginia. Dylan Roof was angry and mentally ill; Bryce Williams was also angry and mentally ill. Dylan Roof slaughtered people in a place where such violence was never expected; Bryce Williams did the same and used the technology of the day to document his slaughter.

There are times in history when events make it possible for the Truth to become something that is determined simply by perspective. A true metaphysician would understand that this is fallacy, but when people are bound, tribally, by how they feel they are perceived by those that are different from them, the “other” who has alien ways and whose appearance is markedly different, the possibilities of what is “true” become infinite. Nothing is more True than that above statement as it relates to the United States of America today.

To simply point out the obvious is not enough. As Editor-in-Chief of this newspaper in its digital form for one day short of ten years now I have striven to impress upon those who work here that simply reporting the news is not enough. Journalism, like life, should be more than the a quotidian rehashing of what happened and to whom. What is documented for history must lead to some hope, must show a forward looking vision of courage in the face of many obstacles– it must inspire people to do more than sit in their living rooms, go to their jobs and mate. The written words of my staff here in Hell were meant to inspire to anger, to joy– to do something to make the lives of those outside your family, your community your tribe, –better.

And so I come back to Dylan Roof and Bryce Williams and their murder. I was asked last night over dinner by a friend who I thought was the more evil of the two. Without hesitation and being a member of the Hellac Bar I said, “Williams,” without missing a beat. My friend, who is a Human Being, implored that this could not be the case. Roof, he explained killed nine while Williams killed only two. I replied, after sipping at my glass of warm spicy broth, “Williams committed suicide and did not allow himself to judged by man. Therefore his crime against his own Soul makes him more selfish than Roof.” I could see that my friend of many decades was growing angry so I calmed him in the only rational way I know how. “John,” I said, “I am speaking from my own prejudicial point of view here in the Afterlife as a demon. I cannot know what the life of human is like or what emotions pour through their nerves or pound in their hearts. About these things I can only observe and surmise. From what I have observed the damage done by Roof and Williams have touched many Souls and done great harm. Here in Hell they will be dealt with according to our laws. This is all I know.”

In closing, I feel I need to share a second conversation that I had after a planning meeting to celebrate our tenth anniversary of this blog which commences tomorrow. Our Majordomo, Pain and I met in my office in the early evening and talked about the events of the day, the waning season and the years all of us have been engaged at this attempt to shed some light on what the Afterlife offers for those who slip the bonds of your dimension to join ours. Midway through the conversation, as the topic turned to race relations in America, Pain intoned, “African-Americans who have not had the full benefit of consumer capitalism must make a choice between what they perceive as culture and Moral Success. By Moral Success, We, Ourselves, of The Collective, mean the ascension to a state where a person has by their actions, daily, must be respected. This is a person who excels at their work no matter what field that work is in. This is a person who is compassionate to those who needs help. This is a person who respects the law. This is a person who seeks this same level of success in the First Life for all those she or he knows. This is a person who respects people and their property. This is a person who craves knowledge above all and loves themselves. African-Americans can continue on the road they are on and the playing field in the American economy and society will never be leveled. Or, they can strive to become a Moral Success by ceasing to deal drugs, having a disdain for their Creator-given intellect and believing they are the victim descendants of horrors that were perpetrated against their enslaved ancestors. The chains of one physical type of slavery were broken in the 1860s, the social slavery of Jim Crown was broken by the 1970s; and now in the 2010s, African-Americans must break the last chain that binds them–that of a culture that makes incarceration more important than matriculation, felonies more important than fatherhood and ignorance of the wider world in the name of tribalism more important than the rabid pursuit of intellectual stimulation. They must do these things in the poorest neighborhoods where they live because– black lives do matter.”

Over the next few days, this newspaper will be publishing articles celebrating the diversity of our staff, highlights of the major stories we have covered in the last ten Terran standard years and, hopefully, making you think.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Cavalor Epþiþ, Esquire, O.B.R.E., CS, O.D.A.J.[1er], O.Q.H.[Journ.], D.S.V.J., J.F.
Editor-in-Chief
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
114 Hov’ish 3 AS

HOW DO YOU CHANGE THE SOULS OF PEOPLE?

Posted in CHARLESTON SHOOTING, DIANE VALENCEN OPINIONS, HOW HELL WORKS on 21/06/2015 by Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.

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That seems like a simple question; yet it has a very complicated answer. The Truth is that to change most people feel like they are losing something rather than gaining and thereby they are resistant to change. In reality, change is one of the very few constants in the First Life.

Most people change quite a bit from the time they are born until they land their first job. Then comes the second job. Then comes that special person into your life and thus, more change. Kids? A home? A major move from a place you have lived all your life to this point? All change.

But when fundamentals have to change it can become very scary. This isn’t some political hit piece. This is an article where I am up late at night trying to wrap my head around events like Newtown, Trayvon’s murder, Michael Brown’s murder Eric Garner’s murder and the massacre of nine innocent people in Charleston, South Carolina. I am failing miserably at this task.

Jon Stewart’s comments made it worse because well he’s right. Had Dylann Storm Roof been Malik Abdul Salaam al Tikriti and he went into a white Methodist church there wouldn’t be any conversations about insanity pleas. Al Tikriti would have likely been shot dead on the streets of Shelby, NC– and rightly so. But Roof is alive and in jail awaiting a trial and while at another time I might have written that this would be his last taste of white privilege for the rest of his natural life those words ring hollow in my ears even as I read them on this screen.

I mentioned the fundamentals earlier and by that I meant the basic core values that all people have when they interact in a society governed by laws. In current times those values seem to have changed with society. Things that were not allowed are now being allowed and even codified into new laws. This disturbs a segment of American society to the point that they feel their country is being taken away from them. To those people I would say that it never was your country in the first place. That statement is what it means to be free and blaze a trail for yourself and those you love in America. This should never have been a game set up with rigged rules where a gender, or a race or a religion or a political way of thinking or even an economic system would hold universal sway over those that did not conform.

And in the end that is what you are up against in a nation swimming in guns and ammunition, with bountiful food and water, 24 hour electricity providing power to high tech devices that connect you to the world and and endless miles of paved roads to travel. All of those things are mixed together and heated into a roux that is slathered over that racial wound that Jon Stewart talked about. How do you change the Souls of people.

One act of kindness at a time.

One act of respect at a time.

One act of compromise at a time.

One act of love at a time.

One act of empathy at a time.

One act of inclusion at a time.

One act of generosity at a time.

One act of altruism at a time.

One act of forgiveness at a time.

Qu’ul cuda pradex nihil!

Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.
Editorial Page Editor
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
49 Hov’ish 3 AS

HOW HELL WORKS: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN “JE SUIS CHARLIE” AND “WE HATE SAND NIGGERS!”

Posted in ANDREJ PEJIC, CHARLIE HEBDO, FRED SCHWARTZ OPINIONS, HELLAC CAMPAIGN TO END BIGOTRY, HOW HELL WORKS, IN HINDSIGHT, JE SUIS CHARLIE, LEE GERMAINE, PAMELA GELLER, TERRORISM on 05/05/2015 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]

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Any rational person should be able to grasp the difference between the two phrases in the title. The first is the unifying phrase in defense of the right to Free Speech shouted around Terra after the Charlie Hebdo terror attacks in Paris earlier in 2015. The second is the unspoken, but resonant tone of an organization run by Pamela Geller called Stop the Islamicization of America or SIOA.

Now, to me, Islamicization means a takeover of American culture or government by the religion of Islam. Currently Muslims make up about 0.9% of the population in the United States despite being one of the fastest growing religions in the world. There have been other sources that have stated the Muslim population at as high as 11 million but those figures are inflated as the CAIR numbers are for political purposes. The figure I will be using comes from the Pew Research Center report in 2011.

So figure the odds of a group made up of less than 2 million adults taking over the United States of America. I would be quick to point out that if that number represented a standing army it would be a formidable opponent for any nation. But for the United States? I doubt it.

Still conservatives are shouting that the attack on an event in Garland, Texas this weekend by ISIS inspired and linked terrorists is an assault on their free of speech. I agree that it is an assault on Free Speech and it is the worst kind of assault on the worst kind of Free Speech. As odious as Geller and her organization is they have every right to hold an event for cartoonists to do whatever they wish. Art is art and this is Truth. If anyone alive on Terra has learned anything from the Charlie Hebdo events it is that freedom of speech often comes with a heavy cost–often in lives cut short by those who are simply backward and pro-Death. Now this doesn’t apply to all Muslims, of course, anymore than I think everyone who is white and living in rural or suburban America is addicted to heroin or some other opiod.

But what is missing from all the right wing arguments is the clear context of both events. Charlie Hebdo, as a magazine is a brazen shit stirring and sarcastic work of journalistic art writ large for decades. Geller’s organization serves two purposes to enrich her from the trough of white bigots looking for somewhere to vent their anger at the loss of privilege post 9/11 and well maybe there’s only one purpose to SIOA when I really think about it. To conservatives what they did in Garland is speech, hate speech that must be protected from government or personal infringement. Yet they are offended, mind you not to the point of coming to Hell and shooting up the offices of The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork, by displays here of nudity, sexuality or eroticism. It’s sort of curious that these people adore guns and cling to their Bibles and yet are appalled by the nude male or female form. But so are those ardent defenders of a state that doesn’t and never will exist on the other side of this boring and meaningless Modern Age Crusade.

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In Hindsight

This is once again much ado about nothing from the right. Geller will continue to have her political fringe whoredom as the woman who stood up to Islam and shook her fist. Only martyrdom for her cause is likely ever to give her the fame orgasm she lusts for and I hope that never happens.

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
4 Hov’ish 3 AS

BREAD & CIRCUSES: IMPERIAL HELLAC COURT FREES CHRISTINA BOND FROM SUICIDE GARDENS IN EARLY MORNING RULING

Posted in Bread & Circuses, HOW HELL WORKS, ROBIN NAISMITH GREEN OPINIONS on 19/02/2015 by Robin Naismith Green

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In a rare reversal of a lower court decision on Cause of Death, the Imperial Hellac Court of Appeals for the District of Serratoth Customs House has determined that the line of legal reasoning laid out by the lower court was flawed. Melvin Belli arguing for the plaintiff Christina Bond of Berrian County, Michigan noted that after Entry Court Magis Charles W Froessel erred when he took into consideration “political and social” views of Ms. Bond as they related to the events of her Death. Bond died when she, while adjusting her bra firearm holster, discharged the weapon with the bullet striking her in the eye.

Froessel contended that her conservative values contributed greatly enough to the conditions that made her think she needed to have a gun in her bra for protection and thus her demise crossed the line into the de jure definition of a suicide. The Entry Court magis even quoted from Christina Bond’s Facebook page, which links to a post at the conservative blog The Blaze quoting a US Marine’s disdain for gun control “We all need to take this approach and not give in. The Jews gave in and were murdered. A pastor I know always says that it is better to learn from other peoples mistakes.” “This quote and link were among many that gives me reason to believe that this woman lived in a constant state of fear about her surroundings to the point that she needed to go to the extraordinary measures of having to wear a gun holster bra,” Froessel said in his decision. “Ms Bond decided to carry a gun in this unorthodox manner and she is dead because of that and her ideology. I cannot see the difference between her actions, despite her military training, and those of someone who jumps off a bridge.”

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Belli, in the Imperial Court at Serratoth Customs House arguing before Magis John Henry Light, said, “There is no case in recent times when the political affiliation of an individual decedent can be construed to have weight upon a Soul pertaining to the cause of the Death. I will concede to my opponent [Thole Baranna acting as Persecutor on behalf of the Crown Fiery] that all Souls bear some percentage of responsibility at their end, but in this case from all the evidence this is simply a horrible accident.

Christina Bond

Magis Light had the option of referring this matter directly to Pain, or to the Hellac Imperial Court in Dis. In stead he decided to hear the case and without delay made his decision within an hour after adjournment. “The rendering of evidence is clear and the proper legal direction is equally clear in this case. While this case has precedent building material by its nature there is no new law being created here. These events while seemingly ironic to many do not rise to the level of an individual committing suicide. The courts must have a clear enough vision and be dispassionate enough in their own political thinking to separate accident from intention. In this, the lower court was blinded by their own prejudices and by the irony of a woman who was so passionate about her religion and politics that the tools of that ideology were seen to lead to her demise. Had she fallen off a ladder or been killed in a car accident I highly doubt you would be before this court. I declare this case dismissed, Ms bond a Free Citizen of Hell and a compensatory payment of 200 denarii per day for her time spent in the Suicide Gardens.”

At the time of this posting the Crown Fiery had made no comment relating to a potential appeal.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Robin Naismith Green, D.S.V.J., O.G.H. [Journ.]
Serratoth Custom House
City Desk Editor
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
131 Melnar 3 AS

DAWN PATROL: 118 MELNAR 3 AS; THE MORNING NEWS FROM HELL: BOUVIER WEDDING; HUMAN SOULS VENT THEIR ANGER AT SEAHAWKS PASS PLAY IN SUPER BOWL XLIX; RHAM CASINO STRIKE MEDIATION CONTINUES

Posted in DAWN PATROL, HOW HELL WORKS on 03/02/2015 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]

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The main news of the Hellac Empire follows the ellipses . . .

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Jacqueline Bouvier, President and CEO of Behmenberg, Bouvier Hepoburn and Hogan D. o. o. [B2H2], weds Avharam Risjhot, head of criminal law firm Risjhot, Pixley, Belli, Shroath and Mcmasters in a private ceremony in Dis attended by friends and family. B2H2 shares on the Hellac Stock exchange [HEX] rose to a new record of 21,703.9966 at the close yesterday. These events come only 24 hours after B2H2 acquired Selax Holdings of Tartarus for an estimated h 8,816, 308 d.325 s 98 [$ 13,000,000,000] in cash. Selax was Hell’s largest producer of spices, condiments and cooking oils at the time of the sale having twice the annual sales of its major rival Cajenn-Huil of Hades. B2H2’s move into this business sector continues the firms commitment to diversification while innovating in the advertising and marketing space. Prior to the open futures of B2H2 show a sharp move up.

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Thousands of Human Souls lined up yesterday outside Hell’s parliament in Dis to have their three minutes on the Hex in the lower chamber the Bax Demvlou Comnu. The majority of the speakers were expressing their frustration at the call that cost the Seattle Seahawks Super Bowl XLIX. A few wanted to express their delight at Katy Perry’s halftime show. The simulcast to form NBC to the Hellac Broadcasting Service was viewed by and estimated 3.6 billion Human Souls and over 10 billion total, making it the fifty second highest rated program ever on HBS behind the all time record holder coronation of Ang’ki Hoor which drew a staggering 16.7 trillion Souls.

Casino Workers Union

Today marks the second day of a general strike on the floating city of Rham among casino and hotel workers who are demanding a greater share of profits. Hell’s largest casino SanJean’s said early this morning that they are closer to resolving this dispute in closed door negotiations. The Casino and Hospitality Workers Union Imperial is seeking a rise from an average of 7% annually of casino profits to a rise of 11%. SanJean’s is offering a rise of 8% with 2% held to supplement the Imperial General Relief Fund.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
118 Melnar 3 AS

THE GATEWAY PUNDIT’S KRISTINN TAYLOR STILL DOING THE DEVIL’S WORK

Posted in 2016 ELECTIONS, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT, AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM, AMERICANS AGAINST THE TEA PARTY, ANDREW BRIETBART, BIGOTRY, BIRTHERISM, BLOGS 4 VICTORY, CONSERVATIVE ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM, CONSERVATIVE BIGOTRY, CONSERVATIVE DESPERATION, CONSERVATIVE FEAR, CONSERVATIVE HEADS EXPLODING, CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRISY, CONSERVATIVE IGNORANCE, CONSERVATIVE INCITEMENT TO VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVE LIES, CONSERVATIVE NEWS, CONSERVATIVE RESISTANCE TO FACT CHECKING, CONSERVATIVE VIOLENCE, COUNTER-SHAI'TANISM, COUNTER-THEOCRACY, FASCISM, FEARSPEAK, FRED SCHWARTZ OPINIONS, FREEDOM, FUNDAMENTALISTS ACTING BADLY, GLBTQ RIGHTS, GOP, GOP AS A MINORITY PARTY, GOP MELTDOWN, GUN VIOLENCE IN AMERICA, HOMOPHOBIA, HOW HELL WORKS, IN HINDSIGHT, JIM HOFT, JOURNALISM, JUSTICE, KOCH BROTHERS, TEA PARTY on 06/12/2014 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]

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Many of our readers may have never heard of the Progressive Labor Party, an offshoot of the Communist Party of the United States of America founded in 1961, but I have because in the 1980s I was a member. The foundation belief of the party is racial equality and worker’s rights. Both of these things are fundamental to my political beliefs even now in Hell as a card carrying [proudly] member of the Alliance Party of Dis [PND] which is the local branch of the Alliance Party of the Hellac Empire [PNIH]. Taylor, at Jim Hoft’s blog the Gateway Pundit have taken notice of the PLP passing out chant flyers in New York City during the protests of the murder of Eric Garner by a New York police officer.

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From the tone of the post I can see that Taylor who has posted for years at such conservative bastions as the Free Republic is still fighting the Cold War as many conservatives do. Mr Taylor might be seen as many conservatives as the heir apparent to the mantle of digital media power that was once held by Andrew Breitbart a few short years ago. Now, aligned with Jim Hoft at Gateway, Kristinn Taylor has ramped up his pro-white pro Christian first anti-Peace agenda.

race mixing gay marriage protest

The comments to the post echo the conservative hatred for equality between races, genders and sexual orientations. The seething anger directed at anything that might affect the share of the “good stuff” hoarded by the white conservative base by virtue of unearned privilege is palpable. Included in this list of “good stuff” is the understood right to not be killed by police despite resisting arrest. i point to the case earlier this Terran autumn where a white woman, Sarah Culhane, struck several cars, injured a citizen with her car and resisted arrest after a police chase and was not shot and killed.

While the 19 year old Culhane’s parents might be angry and socially embarrassed by the actions of their daughter, but they do not share the grief and loss of burying their child that at this moment haunts the every thought of the parents and loved ones of Eric Garner, Michael Brown and 12 year old Tamir Rice. No matter how much the Culhane’s have to spend to get their daughter’s life of privilege back, and that number with legal fees and payoffs to people who who injured or had their cars damaged might total into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, it is a price they are surely willing to pay vice having to stand at a graveside never to see the living face of their daughter again.

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In Hindsight

Taylor is doing the Devil’s work once again stoking class, political and racial hatred in the fertile soil of the minds of conservatives that read the Gateway Pundit, listen daily to Rush Limbaugh and only get their news from Fox. I can nearly taste the hypocrisy in this because of this conservative base their is an element that gets a check from the federal government every month which they call an entitlement but relies on the hard work of others to assure it is delivered. Taylor and his followers in the conservative parade would be fine having their way and denying a large bloc of the American people their civil rights in the name of “protecting their way of life” or “maintaining law and order” yet they do not see how the saturation of firearms in America is a contributor to one of the leading causes of death for all Americans. I know the history of Hell teaches the lesson of the death of Shai’tan and this is widely unknown to the Living. Shai’tan gloried in how brutal capitalism was to the poor, the black and women. He delighted in how the gears of making money at all cost drove many to commit the one sin from which there is no salvation. Kristinn Taylor has taken up the dead torch of Shai’tan in deciding his race and his religion trumps the necessity of economic, racial and social equality on Terra and it is by his delight in the poverty and double standards by which all conservatives will be judged in Hell.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
63 Melnar 3 AS

THE SUNDAY INTERVIEW: GENERAL OF THE SKIES NUULO ISDRIX, DIRECTOR LAAL HETHRI

Posted in DIANE VALENCEN OPINIONS, GENERAL OF THE SKIES NUULO ISDRIX, HOW HELL WORKS, LAAL HETHRI, THE SUNDAY INTERVIEW with tags , , , , on 20/07/2014 by Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.

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The unedited version of my interview with General of the Skies Nuulo Isdrix, Director Laal Hethri follows below

Diane Valencen: Good morning Director, I and my readers thank you for joining me so early this morning.

General of the Skies Nuulo Isdrix: It is my pleasure Diane, to sit down with you this morning.

Valencen: Let’s get started with the Israeli incursion on the ground in Gaza. How is this conflict going to be resolved in the view of the Laal Hethri over the coming weeks?

Isdrix: This has become somewhat a wildfire issue within my directorate. Some feel that it will burn itself out; others feel it will escalate having turned on another atrocity and become a wider regional war that could, potentially, become a global conflict of massively destructive proportions. There is no crystal orb which we can look into that will give us a definitive answer. Our best analysis is that the Israelis are willing to halt their ground operations if and only if Hamas ceases its rocket attacks. There is no opinion in my directorate that Hamas has any intention of halting their rocket attacks on Israel until they are either out of rockets or all other launch capability has been destroyed. I must be clear here that this conflict is a concern for our nation here in the Afterlife because we could see an escalation based on that second scenario I mentioned above bringing Iranian mercenaries into the conflict. Such an escalation could increase the loss of life to a critical tipping point for Hell.

Valencen: So do you personally support a brokered cease fire?

Isdrix: Personally, yes. The likelihood of such a cease fire is slim because I do not feel Hamas would honor it. They have no reason in their minds to stop the attacks and thus Israel has to hunt down the leaders of this action until peace comes by attrition which is very costly in Palestinian lives. And before you ask the next question I have to say that this is the fault of no one people this is such a mutual hatred which has festered for so much time that the only ways to resolve it is either mutual destruction or a mutual demilitarization meaning a peace accord that works. There are those on both sides who will never allow that peace to come–ever.

Valencen: There are the graphic images of the downing of Malaysia Airline flight 17 this past week and the fallout politically about who launched the SA-11 missiles from just inside the eastern Ukrainian border. How much of a threat to Terran peace is this event considering the handling of the crime scene by Russian backed rebels there?

Isdrix: What is happening in eastern Ukraine now is simply an unacceptable chaos. The rule of law does not exist there and I place the blame for this on the head of the Russian leader Vladimir Putin. This man is a threat to world peace because of his ambitions to reunite the breakaway republics of the former Soviet Union. He is not the man the Russian people need to be leading them at this time.

Valencen: Is the Laal Hethri working to some solution of the Putin problem?

Isdrix: [Laughs] I have no comment about that at this time.

Valencen: No comment? Is that a no then?

Isdrix: No comment from my directorate.

Valencen: On American domestic terror, are there any new developments that you can share on this front to my readers?

Isdrix: Unlike the agencies on Terra which swim toward the shiniest light. Does that translate from Hellac where it can be understood?

Valencen: Yes you mean like a school of fish?

Isdrix: Yes, exactly. These fish are focused on two things right now. We do not have that limitation in the Laal Hethri nor do we have the competition between agencies that many Western agencies have on Terra. The Laal Hethri and the Directat Javeth Nathux are a united front against all enemies to the stability of Hell. We do not have any pet states which we favor for economic, religious or racial reasons. My directorate is vigilant looking at all threats equally and soberly or else we would have to answer to the Empress for a failure rooted in bigotry or favoritism and I do not wish to be the demon who has to give that briefing. I will make an example of the threat to a sporting event in the United States five years ago that was thwarted because its size had grown so large that it nearly became public. This was an al Qaeda threat that was eliminated because of listening to the intelligence six years post the 11 September attacks. There have been incidents of chatter over the last six or so months that militia and secessionist groups are forming alliances that could become a threat to the United States and because of distractions which are less imminent or have an economic or political element which shadows the coming US elections it is being ignored. There is no reason for this which would allow America to be plunged into a shooting war between its own citizens. The Laal Hethri, as I have said earlier is vigilant.

Valencen: Thank you for your time this morning.

Isdrix: We must do this again, soon, in more pleasant times.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.
Editorial Page Editor
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
26 Ashtaq 3 AS

DOING ANYTHING “LIKE A GIRL” IS TO DO SOMETHING AMAZING

Posted in COURAGE, HOW HELL WORKS, HUMAN BEAUTY, HUMAN BEINGS, HUMAN RIGHTS, JUSTICE on 27/06/2014 by Majordomo Pain

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Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Jur.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
4 Ashtaq 3 AS

THE CONSERVATIVE TAKE ON THE CULTURE WAR: “YEAH, YOU WON, PROGRESSIVES, BUT YOU CHEATED!”

Posted in 2014 ELECTIONS, 2016 ELECTIONS, ABORTION RIGHTS, ADVERTISING, AFFORDABLE HEALTH CARE ACT, AMERICAN EXCEPTIONALISM, AMERICANS AGAINST THE TEA PARTY, ANDREW BRIETBART, ANGRY OLD WHITE MEN, BAD JOURNALISM, BIG LABOR, BIGOTRY, BREITBART, BREITBART IS STILL DEAD, CHRISTIAN PERSECUTION IN AMERICA?, CHRISTINA HENDRICKS, CIVIL RIGHTS, CLASS WARFARE, CLIVEN BUNDY, CONSERVATIVE ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM, CONSERVATIVE BIGOTRY, CONSERVATIVE DESPERATION, CONSERVATIVE FEAR, CONSERVATIVE HEADS EXPLODING, CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRISY, CONSERVATIVE IGNORANCE, CONSERVATIVE LIES, CONSERVATIVE NEWS, CONSERVATIVE OBSESSION WITH SEX, CONSERVATIVE RESISTANCE TO FACT CHECKING, CONSERVATIVE VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVES ARE OLD AND DYING AND SCARED, COUNTER-SHAI'TANISM, COUNTER-THEOCRACY, CURRENT EVENTS, DEATH PANELS, DEBT CEILING, DOOMSDAY PREPPERS, DREAM ACT, ERIC HOLDER, FAMILY RESEARCH COUNCIL, FASCISM, FEARSPEAK, FETAL PERSONHOOD, FOX NEWS, FREEDOM, FUNDAMENTALISTS ACTING BADLY, GEORGE ZIMMERMAN, GLBTQ RIGHTS, GLENN BECK, GONZO JOURNALISM, GOP, GOP AS A MINORITY PARTY, GOP MELTDOWN, GUN CONTROL, GUN VIOLENCE IN AMERICA, HAPPINESS, HATE, HELL V. UNITED STATES, HELLAC CAMPAIGN TO END BIGOTRY, HERITAGE FOUNDATION, HILLARY CLINTON, HILLARY FOR PRESIDENT 2016, HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON 2016, HOMOPHOBIA, HOT MESS, HOW HELL WORKS, HOW THE RIGHT SEES THE 47%, HUMAN BEAUTY, HUMAN BEINGS, HUMAN RIGHTS, IMMIGRATION REFORM, JOURNALISM, JUSTICE, KARL ROVE, KEL'HESH'AR, LAAL HETHRI, LEGALIZE ADULT SEX WORK IN AMERICA, LIHEAP, MILEY CYRUS, MURDER SUICIDE, NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY, NEW YORK CITY DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND MENTAL HYGIENE, OBAMACARE, OBESITY IN AMERICA, OCCUPY DC, OCCUPY WALL STREET, OFFICE OF THE TORTURER GENERAL, PASTOR CHARLES PHELPS, PASTOR JACK SCHAAP, PASTOR TERRY JONES, PAUL RYAN, POLITICS, POLITICS IN THE BUFF, PRESIDENT OBAMA, PROGRESSIVES ON THE MARCH, REALITY CHECK, RELIGIOUS RIGHT, RUSH LIMBAUGH, RUSSIAN ANTI-HOMOSEXUALITY LAWS, SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE, SARAH BLOCH OPINIONS, SARAH PALIN, SEX, TEA PARTY, TECTONIC SHIFTS, TED CRUZ, THE AMERICAN TALIBAN, THE BEST OF TERRAN TV, THE BEST OF THE WEB, THE BLAZE, THE CANCER OF HATE, THE CULTURE WARS, THE GOP GENDER GAP, THE GREATER FOOL, THE HELLAC BILL OF RIGHTS, THE IGNORANT TENTH, THE SKY IS FALLING, THE TRIBALISM REPORT, THE WAR ON THE ADULT ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY, THE WAR ON WOMEN, THEOCRACY, THINGS THAT MAKE CONSERVATIVES ANGRY, TIM WISE, TODD AKIN, TOO BIG TO FAIL, TWERKING, U.S. ECONOMY, UNREST IN AMERICA, VOTER SUPPRESSION, WE DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THIS SHIT UP, WE SEE YOU, WHITE PRIVILEGE, WINGNUT ROUNDUP, WOMEN'S RIGHTS with tags , , , on 16/04/2014 by sarahbloch

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I am currently reading John Nolte’s article on 11 reasons the Left has not won the Culture War at Breitbart.com. Simply reading this is making my day because I love to laugh in the morning. Millions of conservatives have likely read this today and more than a thousand have commented. Those comments will be covered by Fred Schwartz later in the day.

Nolte begins with same sex marriage which I see as a full faith and credit legal issue not a moral and religious one. I don’t think, however, that any shop owner has a right to refuse service to a gay couple anymore than they have the right to refuse service to a person based on their race, religion, gender or disability. The author feels that the “voice of the people” has been tossed out in favor of the rulings of “activist judges.” In a bizarre twist John Nolte points to a rise in “Christian entertainment” as proof that Americans really do not want people they do not know of the same sex to get married. The singular example is the film “Heaven is for Real” which has grossed nothing yet because the film is to be released today. Nolte’s point is that Sony TriStar Pictures has decided to release the film on a Wednesday in 2,417 theaters. This film and others like it are one point Nolte shows as proof that on the topic of same sex marriage the Right is winning. I will make a claim here: Heaven is for Real will not make more money between its premiere and the end of the box office weekend than “Transcendence” will make from its opening until Sunday night on a theater by theater basis.

The next Culture War issue is the legalization of marijuana. Both Washington state and Colorado have legalized the weed most notorious to conservatives and more states are moving to decriminalize small amounts. Most recently the state of Maryland did just that becoming the first state south of the Dixon-Line to decriminalize pot. Fourteen other states and the District of Columbia have also done so. Nolte does not address any of the medical reasons for pot use or even recreational ones as a justification for a victory here in the Culture war. Instead he states that abortion rights activists are on their heels quoting an article on Breitbart.com no less about a poll conducted by the Knights of Columbus regarding abortion rights. The Gallup Polling Service numbers show that those who view themselves as pro-Life vice those that are pro-Choice are nearly equal at 48% to 45%. The numbers of those seeing abortion as federally defined from the same poll vice those who do not believe abortion should be legal at all is 52% vice 20% as of May 2013. Nolte loses this battle as well.

Nolte sticks with entertainment decrying the amount of sex on television but reveling in what he calls the return of the masculine male on the National Geographic Channel. These shows according to the author “celebrate the working class and their traditional values.” What he really means is they celebrate being white, Christian and living in the woods or where it’s very cold. The next “reason” the Right is winning the Culture War is the ascendancy of Jimmy Fallon to the Tonight Show as a counter to Stephen Colbert stepping into David Letterman’s slot after his retirement next year. There is no rhyme or reason to this at all.

The next nugget reveals something about conservatives. They like strong male characters. Nolte point to Don Draper [Mad Men] Walter White [Breaking Bad] and Tony Soprano [The Sopranos] as examples of these. They are called “flawed” and “anti-heroes” and I imagine that takes the guilt away for all the nudity, sex, drugs and violence which conservative say they are against on TV.

More entertainment, really? Miley Cyrus is popular but unions are dying says Nolte. I fear conservatives may never come out of this irrational abyss. As if the weakness of unions in America is a good thing for those working class people they say they love?

Conservative media is on the upswing says Nolte. Well get back to me in 20 years when most Fox News viewers are either dead or senile or have slaughtered their family. There is a trend in there demographically if you just take the time to look.

Women are getting birth control but conservatives have their guns! This is awful. War on women much? The fear of the Other is oozing here.

Nolte sees more money in politics as a solution to what ails the Right politically. No John, the key would be to make your tent bigger. Oh, that’s right you can’t do that because you’d have to let in all those brown people, women and gay people on a level playing field.

Yes, Occupy is dead but given time the TEA Party will wither as well. I think the date on that tombstone will be somewhere around 1 February 2017.

What John Nolte needs is a time machine so he can return to that conservative era of his father the 1950s. Back then by conservative standards women were in their place (not barefoot and pregnant but seen and not heard), minorities were second class citizens and it was a crime to be gay. It must be awful for John Nolte to have to watch as all that unearned privilege is redistributed in the form of earned civil rights.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil

Sarah Bloch, D.S.V.J., J.F., O.Q.H [Jur.]
Amici Bax Demvolu Comnu
Politics & Culture Wars Managing Editor
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
177 1 Leviathan 3 AS

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