Archive for current-events

WHO IS THE TOPLESS WOMAN WHO TRASHED A MCDONALD’S IN ST PETERSBURG FLORIDA?

Posted in CRAZY FLORIDA, CURRENT EVENTS, FRED SCHWARTZ OPINIONS, WE DON'T HAVE TO MAKE THIS SHIT UP, ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE with tags , , on 08/04/2014 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]

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And that is the million dollar question I’m asking. The Laal Hethri agent I called hung up one me when I asked for help, but I’m sure someone who knows the lady in the video below can answer some of my burning questions.

The video.

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First question: Is this really happening or is it staged? The St Petersburg, Florida PD have no such incident in their files or any complaints from a McDonald’s franchisee causing me to wonder if this is bullshit or not.

Second question: If this is a real incident what the fuck was woman doing for the four hours prior to entering the restaurant wearing only a black thong? My guess, she had been watching Fox News.

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In Hindsight
Anyway, I’d like to interview this individual to find out what you really have to do to be in this state in a public place.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
169 1 Leviathan 3 AS

FROM THE DESK OF THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: EAT THE PIOUS; ISLAMIC TERRORISTS AS THE ENTREE AND RACHEL ALEXANDER AS DESSERT

Posted in CAVALOR EPTHITH EDITORIALS with tags , , , , on 23/09/2013 by Cavalor Epthith, Esquire, D.S.V.J

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The title applies to both those who are willing to commit violence in the name of a broken and fundamentally flawed belief that they are somehow closer to the Creator of the Universe than anyone else based solely on their traditions of worship and to those who because of their political ideology feel that they are morally superior, superior in class and are superior because of the random luck associated with where they were born [in this case this would be the United States of America].

For the former you can see the ignorance and arrogance of religion based hatred in the actions of Somali terrorists who feel they are doing the work of the Creator by shooting up a shopping mall in Nairobi, Kenya and killing 68 people. The same ignorance and arrogance comes from the Right ideologically who are angered that the suffering of their religion of convenience is being ignored in Pakistan after Islamic apostates bombed a Christian church in Peshawar. Yes, there is outrage that the killing of large numbers of what Conservative Americans feel is the “one true religion” half a world away is more important than an ongoing hostage crisis a quarter of a world away. In the politically poliraized United States of America it has gotten this bad.

I hold an example one of the moral exemplars of skewed belief in religion, class and exceptionalism from the Right in the United States in the form of Christian Post op-ed contributor Rachel Alexander. In her post, littered with nuggets of class hatred, bigotry and malice toward many for the benefit of keeping aging conservative base voters from thinking about their soon to come demise at the hands of the undefeated inevitability of Death, Alexander makes this claim:

For too long, the left has held up the poor as an emotional lure to get knee-jerk support for their policies. It has worked, and now the poor have everything available to them, while the middle class is going without. The poor receive food stamps and can buy steak, fast food, and expensive food that the lower middle class cannot afford. The poor qualify for Medicaid to cover their healthcare, while the middle class is stuck with unaffordable Obamacare. The poor can live in Section 8 free or reduced income housing. The lower middle class has no such assistance and instead has been hit with foreclosures.

This is not a new tack for those on the political Right in America. The appeal to base voters that the Left has no substance and can only appeal to the emotions of their voters has often been trotted out in times of electoral peril by the Right. I would only have to point out the worship of armed men and women who go to war as demi-gods, reverence for a dyed piece of cloth as if were some sort of living divine icon and the notion that the Creator of the Universe meant that people born an ocean away from the land in which they live now would become exceptional if they only took that land away from the inhabitants of the age and brought in slave labor from yet another continent. Alexander earns the right to be devoured by the rational also by simply appealing to the deity she and most other Conservatives worship one made of gold and firing cruise missiles out of every orifice and giving birth to lies so numerous they cannot be seen by the faithful as anything other than the Truth. The poor cannot use their SNAP benefits to buy fast food as it is cook and is one of the many things [like alcohol tobacco and toilet paper] that are prohibited SNAP items. The writer also forget that the average SNAP benefit is around $133 per month/ per person in a household. Rachel Alexander is too “moral” to state that she just wants those who, do not worship the violence of guns as she does, is not white and upper middle class like she is, and does not believe in a certain deity as she does, to simply slink off and starve to death. There are millions of those who agree with Rachel Alexander in America and despite their cowardice regarding physical violence they are just as deadly and dangerous with their words and lack of intellectual honesty as the hijackers who destroyed the facade of American exceptionalism on 11 September 2001.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Cavalor Epþiþ, Esquire, O.B.R.E., CS, O.D.A.J.[1er], O.Q.H.[Journ.], D.S.V.J., J.F.
Editor-in-Chief
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
127 Colnu 2 AS

WINGNUT ROUNDUP: DECONSTRUCTING THEODORE SHOEBAT

Posted in CONSERVATIVE ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM, CONSERVATIVE BIGOTRY, CONSERVATIVE FEAR, CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRISY, CONSERVATIVE IGNORANCE, CONSERVATIVE INCITEMENT TO VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVE LIES, CONSERVATIVE NEWS, CONSERVATIVE STUPID EMAIL FORWARDS, CONSERVATIVE VIOLENCE, COUNTER-SHAI'TANISM, COUNTER-THEOCRACY, FRED SCHWARTZ OPINIONS, GLBTQ RIGHTS, IN HINDSIGHT, WINGNUT ROUNDUP, ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE with tags , , , , , , , on 08/09/2013 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]

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As much as Sarah Bloch would like to think so, simply because Barack Obama is President of the United States, the Culture Wars in America haven’t come to an end. As long as there are people like Theodore Shoebat in America to keep the conservative base riled up with lies and deceptions about people they don;t like because they ain’t white and Christian there will an ongoing verbal and unilaterally intellectual war going on between Progressives and the Conservatives. I’ve asked before where are all the urban twentysomething conservatives in America but I hadn’t asked anyone, at least recently, if they had heard from a post retirement age Progressive. I know many living in the United States right now but still have yet to find the Bible thumping conservative in Brooklyn aged 25.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s take a look at the wingnut of the day. I introduce to you Theodore Shoebat, son of fake ex-terrorist Walid Shoebat a man who has sucked more money out of the pockets of unsuspecting conservative rubes than a flood vehicle. I have been called the CarFax of the Internet by colleagues before so now it’s high time to see the CarFax on the younger Shoebat.

Theodore begins his angry screed about the LGBTQ community entitled, “The Homosexual Empire” with this:

What is the homosexual agenda about? It is about conquest, and the persecution of Christians. Just by perusing today’s news, it is easily found that this reality continues to expose itself as the sodomites proceed to advance their despotic ideology.

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Yeah, I know, this is too easy. Most of these nuts prey on older white middle class people near or over retirement age who fear for the safety of their Bibles, guns and families, in that order. So to say they are going to be “conquered” by a “homosexual agenda” rekindles in their minds the worst things one could think of having grown up and come of age in the 1950s and 1960s. Shoebat in this few lines makes himself the equal to Lester Maddox, Bull Conner and all the other odious characters who tried to keep black citizens in a second or even third class status in the South in the post World War 2 era. Are there ideologues among those campaigning for LGBTQ rights? Sure. Do these people have an agenda for America that goes beyond wanting the same freedoms and liberties enjoyed by the straight majority? No.

Well, Theodore Shoebat wouldn’t be satisfied unless, for the pure love of lucre, he made the point that the LGBTQ community wants to wage war on Christians, destroy the religion and then go about sodomizing anyone who remains until they have forgotten all about being conservative or loving guns more than they care about the plight of the poor. Shoebat quotes Michael Swift’s 1987 article entitled “Gay Revolutionary” [without giving citation I’ll come to the importance of that in a bit.–F.S. ] calling it instead “The Gay Manifesto” [because you know only people who mean deadly business against white Christians write manifestos.–F.S.] where Swift writes:

We shall sodomize your sons, emblems of your feeble masculinity, of your shallow dreams and vulgar lies. We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums, in your locker rooms, in your sports arenas, in your seminaries, in your youth groups, in your movie theater bathrooms, in your army bunkhouses, in your truck stops, in your all male clubs, in your houses of Congress, wherever men are with men together. Your sons shall become our minions and do our bidding. They will be recast in our image. They will come to crave and adore us. … We shall raise vast private armies, as Mishima did, to defeat you. We shall conquer the world because warriors inspired by and banded together by homosexual love and honor are invincible as were the ancient Greek soldiers.

For the average conservative in the flyover states that should be all they need to read! I would be willing to bet an aureus against every dollar that after getting to this point in the article and nodding knowingly in the fact that only bad people they don’t know and love go to Hell that at least 100 fools reached for their debt cards to send Shoebat’s fraudulent “foundation” at least five bucks. What else in all of Creation could they possibly need to know. “It’s in the manifesto honey I’m sure as the Gospel that this is true!” I’m sure they shouted as they checked their bank account to see how much of their Social Security was left.

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In Hindsight

Shoebat fails miserably here though. In his little bibliography at the end of the post he leaves out any citiation for Michael Swift’s “manifesto.” Oh, you wonder why that is? it’s because it isn’t serious at all it is satirical. To give credit and allow the rheumy eyed base of conservatism in America to read the words that expose the lie, rather than have them simply Google “Gay Manifesto” and get a litany of conservative pundit and blogger continuations of that lie would be on the one hand a terrible blow to the credibility of the need to portray the LGBTQ fight for civil rights as violent and a threat to Conservative Christianity as a tribal group and on the other hand make Archie in West Bumfuck, Mississippi put his debit card back into that sleeve the nice girl at the bank gave him. Below are the very first words of that 1987 satire by Michael Swift:

“This essay is an outré, madness, a tragic, cruel fantasy, an eruption of inner rage, on how the oppressed desperately dream of being the oppressor.”

To the Shoebats enjoy stealing from those too weak minded to be driven by anything other than fear in the wealthiest nation on Terra. Some smart guy said that Human Life is short and brutal well, that’s spot on isn’t it? When you both get here to Hell I’ll be the guy grinning wearing a white shirt a black tie and a gray fedora with my press pass in the band shouting, “I told you so!”

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
114 Colnu 2 AS

THIS JUST IN: HOUSE SPEAKER JOHN BOEHNER BACKS PRESIDENT OBAMA ON SYRIA STRIKE RESOLUTION

Posted in SYRIA, SYRIAN CIVIL WAR, THIS JUST IN with tags , on 03/09/2013 by Majordomo Pain

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Fox News, Politico and other American media sources are reporting this late morning that GOP House Speaker John Boehner of Ohio has come out in support of the resolution to attack Syria’s government militarily. Please return later in the day for reactions from the conservative pundits and the conservative base. That political analysis will be done by Sarah Bloch

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
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Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
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Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
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109 Colnu 2 AS

LIMBAUGH FOR PRESIDENT?

Posted in BIRTHERISM, CONSERVATIVE ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM, CONSERVATIVE BIGOTRY, CONSERVATIVE FEAR, CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRISY, CONSERVATIVE IGNORANCE, CONSERVATIVE INCITEMENT TO VIOLENCE, CONSERVATIVE LIES, CONSERVATIVE NEWS, CONSERVATIVE OBSESSION WITH SEX, CONSERVATIVE SEX SCANDAL, CONSERVATIVE STUPID EMAIL FORWARDS, CONSERVATIVE VIOLENCE, COUNTER-THEOCRACY, CPAC 2013, CRAZY FLORIDA, FAIL, FASCISM, FEARSPEAK, FOX NEWS, GOP, GOP AS A MINORITY PARTY, GOP MELTDOWN, RUSH LIMBAUGH, THE AMERICAN TALIBAN, THE CANCER OF HATE, THE CULTURE WARS, THE DEMOGRAPHICS FAVOR PROGRESSIVES, THE GOP GENDER GAP, THE GREATER FOOL, THE IGNORANT TENTH, THE MATING HABITS OF CONSERVATIVES, THE MEDITATORS, THE SUNDAY BIG QUESTION, THE WAR ON WOMEN, THEOCRACY, THINGS THAT MAKE CONSERVATIVES ANGRY, U.S. ECONOMY, UNREST IN AMERICA, ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE with tags , on 01/09/2013 by Majordomo Pain

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We, Ourselves, of The Collective have noticed there has been a considerable argument brewing among conservatives regarding whether or not talk radio hosts such as Rush Limbaugh should be chosen to moderate GOP Presidential candidate debates in 2016. This strikes Us as an interesting topic of debate on many levels. On one side of the issue Limbaugh would draw a considerable audience among conservatives who would want to see how he handles the candidates and what questions he would ask of them. Limbaugh is not the mainstream sort of moderator and would add We, are sure, his own particular brand of spice to the generally moribund debate schedule. On the other side of the debate the one that mainstream GOP elites, like Grover Norquist, reside this is a major problem– Rush would become the star of the debates casting shadows on the likes of Jeb Bush, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio, Ted Cruz and Chris Christie.

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We would like to offer a solution to the far right conservatives who find Christie too liberal and are weary of the name Bush. Why not support Limbaugh to run for President? The Meditators have the opinion that Limbaugh could win the GOP nomination quite easily and quite possibly could get out enough of the GOP base as to bring the Senate back into GOP control. The problem with a candidacy by Rush is that the Left especially the far Left would react equally to him as the far Right will. No amount of voter suppression in GOP controlled states would keep blacks and Latinos, the GLBTQ community and the Progressive Youth vote from flocking to the polls in 2016 to cast their ballots against Rush Limbaugh.

A Limbaugh third party candidacy We have estimated could raise as much as 750 million during the campaign with much of that being funded by powerful corporate TEA Party advocates with deep pockets such as the Koch brothers. This type of run would effectively divide the GOP forever and end the party as a national going concern. After 2016 the GOP would be lucky to keep control of the House in 2018 and would lose the 2020 election with Texas turning blue for the first time in many decades.

In the final analysis We, Ourselves, see the use of Limbaugh as a moderator for debates as far more of a destructive force in conservative politics on the professional scale. A Rush for President push will likely happen next year but it will fizzle out as the GOP establishment crushes any notion of having an entertainer whose job it is to occupy the minds of those already in the echo chamber on Monday through Friday stand on the stage with the party’s heavy hitters. For both of these tasks Limbaugh simply has too little appeal outside his own base and too much baggage to be anything more than a political novelty.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Pain
Knight Slayer of Shai’ tan
الافتتاحية من الفتاحات
Majordomo of Hell and Terra’s Skies
Order of the Black Rose of the Empire
Ayatollah of Rham and its Shadow
Fair Judge Executioner of Souls
Quarterer’s Order of the Descending Aorta, 1st Class, with diamonds, rubies, platinum concertina, golden concertina, gilded pancreas, emerald gall bladder, platinum spleen, mesentery and lymph nodes
Lady Gaoler of Dis
Chief Engineer Hellac Power & Light
Womb of Empires
Order of the Superior Vena Cava
先生 立石 上様
Fifth Sea Lord of Hell
Comptroller of the Currency
Chair, Hellac Consumer Products Safety Commission
Oracle of Elections
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Mot. Pict. Arts & Sci.]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Tort]
Order of the Obsidian Heart [Fluid Dyn.]
Chair, Hellac Commission on Sentient Being Rights
Lady High Justice of the Court of Acts & Merits
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Gold
Knight Commandrix of the Hellac Gordian Knot of Silver
Keeper of the Keys of all the Gates of Hell
Qadi of Hades
Chamberlain Imperial of the Necropontiff of the Universal Fatean Church
Order of the Quartz Heart [Eng.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Jur.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Metaphys.]
Order of the Quartz Heart [Philos.]
Countess-Palatine of Sheol
Marquise di Gehenna
Empress Consort
White Rod
President Pro tempore Bax Culdnu
Managing Editor—Breaking News
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
107 Colnu 2 AS

VOX POPULI: WHY PARI BRADLEE IS MY HERO

Posted in CONSERVATIVE OBSESSION WITH SEX, FOX NEWS, HOWARD KURTZ, THE CONSIGLIERI with tags on 29/08/2013 by consigliereciucava

Thoeressamt

To anyone working in journalism here in Hell the name Ben Bradlee is revered. As historical figures go Benjamin Crowninshield Bradlee could have done anything he wanted with his life. He served in the Pacific during WWII in the United States Navy as an intelligence officer. Her returned home and poured himself into journalism. If you recall he was portrayed by Jason Robards in the motion picture All The President’s Men.

Ben Bradlee turned 92 on Monday of this week and on a personal note I wish him many many more happy birthdays. Now to the more odious reason of my post today as consiglieri of this newspaper. On that day, Howard Kurtz who now works for Fox News after a stint at CNN, wrote this article about Bradlee’s daughter in law Pari Bradelee. The article is almost nonsense and it is definitely not news. Kurtz seems to have settled into the other side of the Fox News de rigueur of oftentimes thinking that anything that comes to mind, especially if it has a titillating aspect, is worthy of a column.

Pari Bradlee

The article makes one think before delving into who Pari Bradlee is that she had been photographed naked, or nearly naked as if there would have been something inherently wrong about that. There is a quite elegant, feminine and artistic photo of Pari looking confident and stunning on her Facebook page that seems to have become a brainworm in Kurtz’s mind. Then the article becomes really bizarre. Kurtz informs his readers, “In another just-posted photo she is nude, shot from the back, twisting one arm behind her.” Then he asks his audience, “Do the pictures go too far?” I find it difficult to cough up enough petals to even offer that question a reply.

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The quote explaining the photo that is offered by Howard Kurtz is done in a style that would have a freshman journalism professor wincing and reaching for his red marker:

“I have worked so hard all my life and always wanted to feel and be beautiful inside and out,” Bradlee writes on Facebook. “I own my sensuality and teach others not to repress it. Femininity for me is a very powerful and beautiful force.” She says the bra, which looks like someone took a scissors to it, was suggested by “my beautiful Persian QUEEN Maryam Amirimaidi” and that her mother-in-law, Sally Quinn, “bought me those Louboutins” — the only other thing she is wearing.

The actual quote from Ms Bradlee is:

This is a very special photo for me for various reasons: It’s in a room that I’ve always dreamed of, one of my dearest friends took it and made me laugh so much I was sore! I have worked so hard all of my life and always wanted to feel and be beautiful inside and out. I own my sensuality and teach others to not repress it. Femininity for me is a very powerful and beautiful force. The bra was suggested my my beautiful Persian QUEEN Maryam Amirmajdi in her store Jaryam. I would have never picked that out. She said it was made for me as well as the shrug. Sally bought me those Louboutins.
I’ve always wanted a picture like that. Barry gave me one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. I will treasure it forever.
It’s a symbol of overcoming being bullied and told that I would never make it in life. A poor girl from the hood that could never afford nice things and take care of herself. A symbol of overcoming pain in general and showing all beings in the world that you can be who you wish to be no matter what.

Very strong words from a strong and beautiful woman versus the a writer who has taken the low road and by doing so damaged his journalistic reputation for no reason at all. Kurtz even got wrong that Ms Bradlee was wearing something other than a bra. It is my opinion that Howard Kurtz is one of those types of people that are bullies that Pari mentions. The scandal here is not the art and beauty of the human form but why Howard Kurtz felt he could throw such feces on the wall of the Internet and no one would call him out. Were it possible for me to travel to Terra, and seeing that Pari Bradlee is fond of cigars I would enjoy sitting somewhere quietly with her, and her husband of course, and enjoying a nice Cuban Presidente. Of course, this too would outrage Howard Kurtz and his loyal readers!

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Ciu Cava daelth Nixhot, J.F.. D.S.V.J.
Consiglieri
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
104 Colnu 2 AS

POLITICS IN THE BUFF: BOYCOTT FAST FOOD UNTIL CORPORATE MASTERS PAY A LIVING WAGE

Posted in FAST FOOD STRIKES, SARAH BLOCH OPINIONS with tags , on 29/08/2013 by sarahbloch

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The title of this post says it all. No matter how many conservatives write articles decrying the plight of six and seven figure execs and franchise owners that run fast food corporations and restaurants, the bottom line is the workers who at the tip of the spear in customer service are the ones suffering by making wages that will not support a family. And aren’t conservatives supposed to be the ones who promote family values? There’s nothing glamporous about working in Burger King, Sonic or McDonald’s but it is a job and I’m sure the vast majority of their workers take pride in what they do. Fast food workers used to be kids working part-time or summer jobs but currently the average age of a fast food worker is 29. Think about that the next time you’re in the drive through.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Sarah Bloch, D.S.V.J., J.F., O.Q.H [Jur.]
Amici Bax Demvolu Comnu
Politics & Culture Wars Managing Editor
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
104 Colnu 2 AS

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