Archive for Diane Valencen


Posted in FRED SCHWARTZ OPINIONS, IN HINDSIGHT, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on 27/08/2014 by Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., O.Q.H. [Journ.]


Even here in Hell, people wonder just where the time goes. On 27 August 2005, Pain made the very first post for the digital version of Hell’s leading daily newspaper beginning and odyssey from Blogger to WordPress that finds me here writing today. members of the writing staff and research staff have come and gone. Some, like Diane Valencen have gone and returned.

The very first story we covered was Hurricane Katrina. We asked the same questions about the response and the government’s failure to protect the citizens of New Orleans that everyone else did. As time went on we covered many major stories in the United States especially the Culture Wars. The first story that got us noticed in the wider blogoshpere was the May 2006 murder of Tiffany Souers in Clemson, South Carolina. Her killer, Jerry Buck Inman was arrested in early June and put Robin Naismith Green’s crime reporting front and center.

More stories broke as our political writing moved forward with the full time hiring of Culture Wars reporter Sarah Bloch. The 2006 midterm elections were another step toward Internet success for our staff. A signature piece I wrote during the Blogger days was about Congressman Mark Foley who resigned under a cloud of scandal surrounding House pages.

Following that historic election was another high time for politics in the United States. Both Senator Hillary Clinton and then Senator Barack Obama were running for the nomination of the Democratic Party for President in 2008. I recall the staff meeting the morning of Super Tuesday 2008 when Cavalor Epthith said, “If Obama comes close to being the winner today, he will be President of the United States.” On that long day Obama won more states and delegates but Hillary got more votes. In a midnight editorial The Boss endorsed Barack Obama officially after months of fence sitting.

Then came the economic collapse of 2008 in the late summer. Carlton Pryor, long before the rant of Rick Santelli on CNBC, warned about the dangers of too big to fail, ninja loans and the subprime synthetic derivative housing market. We fought the conservative lies about the cause of the crisis, which of course was a mixture of Wall Street greed and Main Street greed, but was crystallized in a Manhattan Institute piece saying the Community Reinvestment Act caused the crisis. This was the lie and it took years to die.

hindsight 2333
In Hindsight

The biggest story by far was the Boston Marathon bombing last year and we broke the name of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev seven minutes before NBC News making it the highest traffic days ever. Oh yeah we presented beauty in the form of nude Human beings from time to time as well. This got a bit out of hand on what we called Porn Sunday while at Blogger and they summarily in June 2010 deleted our blog. Cavalor debated for a few days if we should migrate to another format and we settled on WordPress four years ago. I am still eager, everyday for the next big story from Terra and hopefully it will be my pleasure to bring you the opinions of those in hell on what really matters to the Living for many years to come. And, of course, Jim Hoft is still the stupidest man on the Internet.

Pax Terra!

Fredrick Schwartz, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.]
Managing Editor—Research
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
62 Ashtaq 3 AS




The unedited version of my interview with General of the Skies Nuulo Isdrix, Director Laal Hethri follows below

Diane Valencen: Good morning Director, I and my readers thank you for joining me so early this morning.

General of the Skies Nuulo Isdrix: It is my pleasure Diane, to sit down with you this morning.

Valencen: Let’s get started with the Israeli incursion on the ground in Gaza. How is this conflict going to be resolved in the view of the Laal Hethri over the coming weeks?

Isdrix: This has become somewhat a wildfire issue within my directorate. Some feel that it will burn itself out; others feel it will escalate having turned on another atrocity and become a wider regional war that could, potentially, become a global conflict of massively destructive proportions. There is no crystal orb which we can look into that will give us a definitive answer. Our best analysis is that the Israelis are willing to halt their ground operations if and only if Hamas ceases its rocket attacks. There is no opinion in my directorate that Hamas has any intention of halting their rocket attacks on Israel until they are either out of rockets or all other launch capability has been destroyed. I must be clear here that this conflict is a concern for our nation here in the Afterlife because we could see an escalation based on that second scenario I mentioned above bringing Iranian mercenaries into the conflict. Such an escalation could increase the loss of life to a critical tipping point for Hell.

Valencen: So do you personally support a brokered cease fire?

Isdrix: Personally, yes. The likelihood of such a cease fire is slim because I do not feel Hamas would honor it. They have no reason in their minds to stop the attacks and thus Israel has to hunt down the leaders of this action until peace comes by attrition which is very costly in Palestinian lives. And before you ask the next question I have to say that this is the fault of no one people this is such a mutual hatred which has festered for so much time that the only ways to resolve it is either mutual destruction or a mutual demilitarization meaning a peace accord that works. There are those on both sides who will never allow that peace to come–ever.

Valencen: There are the graphic images of the downing of Malaysia Airline flight 17 this past week and the fallout politically about who launched the SA-11 missiles from just inside the eastern Ukrainian border. How much of a threat to Terran peace is this event considering the handling of the crime scene by Russian backed rebels there?

Isdrix: What is happening in eastern Ukraine now is simply an unacceptable chaos. The rule of law does not exist there and I place the blame for this on the head of the Russian leader Vladimir Putin. This man is a threat to world peace because of his ambitions to reunite the breakaway republics of the former Soviet Union. He is not the man the Russian people need to be leading them at this time.

Valencen: Is the Laal Hethri working to some solution of the Putin problem?

Isdrix: [Laughs] I have no comment about that at this time.

Valencen: No comment? Is that a no then?

Isdrix: No comment from my directorate.

Valencen: On American domestic terror, are there any new developments that you can share on this front to my readers?

Isdrix: Unlike the agencies on Terra which swim toward the shiniest light. Does that translate from Hellac where it can be understood?

Valencen: Yes you mean like a school of fish?

Isdrix: Yes, exactly. These fish are focused on two things right now. We do not have that limitation in the Laal Hethri nor do we have the competition between agencies that many Western agencies have on Terra. The Laal Hethri and the Directat Javeth Nathux are a united front against all enemies to the stability of Hell. We do not have any pet states which we favor for economic, religious or racial reasons. My directorate is vigilant looking at all threats equally and soberly or else we would have to answer to the Empress for a failure rooted in bigotry or favoritism and I do not wish to be the demon who has to give that briefing. I will make an example of the threat to a sporting event in the United States five years ago that was thwarted because its size had grown so large that it nearly became public. This was an al Qaeda threat that was eliminated because of listening to the intelligence six years post the 11 September attacks. There have been incidents of chatter over the last six or so months that militia and secessionist groups are forming alliances that could become a threat to the United States and because of distractions which are less imminent or have an economic or political element which shadows the coming US elections it is being ignored. There is no reason for this which would allow America to be plunged into a shooting war between its own citizens. The Laal Hethri, as I have said earlier is vigilant.

Valencen: Thank you for your time this morning.

Isdrix: We must do this again, soon, in more pleasant times.

Qu’ul cuda praedex nihil!

Diane Valencen, D.S.V.J., CS, O.Q.H [Journ.], ArF J., M.F.
Editorial Page Editor
The Dis Brimstone Daily Pitchfork
26 Ashtaq 3 AS

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